Thanks for doing this tag so soon. From what you wrote (I don’t have a Mandarin background), I think your Angel has a beautiful Chinese name. Well done to you and hubby!

Emm… I guess you both wanted to name your kid(s) with names start with the alphabetical order?

I thought this posting was really interesting, especially the thought and attention put to gender throughout. A couple of questions occurred to me while reading, and I would love to hear what you have to say about them. First, what do you mean by “just another typical woman”, in your discussion of incorporating a masculine quality along with a feminine one in your name choice? I’m really curious! And second, the names you were thinking of for a boy all seem very masculine–would you have tried to represent both feminine and masculine qualities in your choice of a boy’s name the same way you did in your choice of a girl’s name? If not, is there a specific reason for this?

I don’t read or speak Mandarin, so I’m sure I’m missing out on a whole other dimension of this naming discussion, which would be really interesting. Thanks for this posting, AM!

Hi Erin, thanks for the interesting questions! Gender issue is important to me because it has something to do with our Asian background in Singapore. Singapore is a very modernized country (technology, infrastructure, etc) but we retain or try (?) to retain our Asian values. Such values are adovcated in, for example, education. Before I left the country, the ‘biggest’ change made was medical benefits finally being extended to children of women civil servants. The PM’s remark was that women must still ensure that the men take care of the family as this benefit has been requested for ages before being finally granted. Nothing wrong with this but if you can see where I am going, why that change took such a long time to happen was because of the Asian value attached to it. I know how much this change has helped a teacher friend who has a prematured child, now toddler.

I’m a woman in modernised Singapore and while I enjoy all that contemporary aspects of being a modern woman, I have Asian values which I keep to. Many times, the Asian way of defining a woman can shape her or confuse her or ‘torment’ her. Furthermore, the partner they choose can also have the impact in their lives. Somehow, Asian men at my generation are still ‘old-school’ when it comes to treating women. I personally know of many capable women who can have a ‘happier’ life if they are not hampered by their partners. Usually, they don’t talk about such ‘gender’ issues to their partners, because there is no ‘ground’ for it, we are the women!

I guess I’m different because I don’t see why it should be happening. There is nothing wrong to face gender issues, to face the fact that things have changed, women have changed and the men have to accept it. I retain my Asian values but it doesn’t mean I’m following them blindly, I challenge, I question, I discuss, I improve. I embrace the qualities of what my secondary principal used to instill in us, “Able to wok up cusine in the kitchen and hold discourses in the living room” (in mandarin, jin de liao cu fan, jin de liao tin tang). It is still ‘old-school’, a woman’s job to cook, for example, but nonetheless, the bottomline is, it is not the cooking that is the issue here, it is the expectation of the gender who has to make food.

So, as a girl unfolds into a woman in my society, my observation is that she slowly takes on becoming a ‘typical woman’. I see women who lose themselves to become what their partners want them to be. I ‘fight’ it not for the sake of ‘fighting’ it but because it has become an oppression (in my opinion) to these women, they way they are being ’shaped’. I know there are some friends’ husbands who probably feel that I’m too vocal and won’t like their wives to be near me! So, that’s the point, a typical woman ‘keeps quiet’ despite their intelligence, their capabilities, their education. It sounds very old-school but it is still happening in my modern society. I don’t see why we can’t talk it through.

So, why I don’t want a typical woman, not only for the above reasons but I want my Angel to be different. She can be as feminine as she wants to be yet has the vocal abilities, to voice out, to speak out, not to be oppressed. Expose to and possibly embrace both good equalities of the genders.

Haha, as for the boys’ names being very masculine, not much thought were given to them when we were ’shooting’ names around. It was at the very initial stage although of course, all that changed when the gynae had a slip.

I have often wanted a boy because I want to raise a boy of difference, not just a typical boy but a boy who will understand his masculine qualities and understand the female make-up and will support ‘feminism’. So, yes, I would put as much thought into the gender issue if we have had a boy.

Thanks for raising all those questions, Erin. That’s what I look forward to.

Just like this one!

Great post and comment.

thank you for that interesting and thoughtful reply to my questions. it is very interesting to learn about your singaporean culture. i think many of the challenges you are writing about exist in Canada and the UK as well, although they manifest differently. i have been reading a lot on the topic of gender and communication lately, and have come to realize that in my interactions with male authority figures (primarily profs right now) i seem to adopt a more masculine approach to communication (relying on stereotypes to affix this label, of course)–i find i am more direct, more aggressive, interrupt more, and i work harder to hold the floor than when i am talking to peers, friends, and family. i am just so sick of the “old boys club” of academia, where my woman’s voice is so easily disregarded and spoken over. to get to where i am now, i have had to learn new ways of communicating that “fight fire with fire”, although i would prefer to work towards changing this inequality, rather than reinforcing it.

oh, i wanted to tell you–your post also gave me a great idea for a t-shirt. it would be a maternity t-shirt, and it would read “i don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl–but i do know it’s a feminist!”

erin

Hi New Parent, thanks for dropping by and your kind words. I like comments, too, and share your idea that comments add to the post! I have just read your tag, too! Interesting!

Hi Erin, your tshirt idea is cool! =) If I’m going to have a second child, I’d like to wear it, too! I guess I have ‘much’ to say about the gender issue because it is an issue close to my heart. Just last night, I was talking to the alternative dad that having equality for women is not wanting to turn the table round and make men submissive or oppressed but rather, equality for all. It makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes when women fight for the equality such that they ‘bully’ the men, which in turn has the true meaning of it all. But ultimately, a lot of men’s mindsets have to change first, too.

Thanks for sharing and actually, it brought me to an incident that happened at my home once with a British broiler man. He came to fix the broiler for 4 hours and I made him coffee 4 times and a sandwich. We had short conversations in between and one of the questions asked was, “Are all Chinese women like this? If so, please find me one!”

(BTW, I can do with some books or information you have on gender communication! i’m writing an essay on it!)