Few nights ago, I had a dream.
I dreamt that my mom was in the hospital and my MIL asked me for a Rolex watch.
At the end of the dream, my mom told me eating out often will result in us falling ill and my MIL told me she was joking about the Rolex watch.
When I woke up, I know that I should cook more for mom and oh yes, I owe my MIL a present, but not a Rolex watch!
Look, I’m roaring quite a bit lately!
My post on roaring must have something to do with the white tigers I saw earlier in the day. We witnessed the feeding and I love the way one of the white tigers, Ooma (?), stood on twos to intercept the bone flung towards it.
The Tipping Point says that sometimes, small elements in our environment can largely affect us. The image of the prowling white tigers waiting for their feed must have been the impetus for my roar and of course, that picture seems to portray a white tiger roaring (it’s really meant to make you readers laugh – even my sense of humour is back). And if only the white tigers had really roared!
I’m all ready to share with you how I got roaring since my last rut.
That makes me wonder, under what circumstances do tigers roar?
Because I am roaring good times, roaring good finds, roaring good sense, roaring good fun, rrrrrroooooooaaaaaarrrrrrring ……
One day, I brought the Other Angel down briefly to meet someone.
On the way up, I met a elderly couple in the lift.
Well, you know how people try to avoid talking to one another in the lift?
In our family, we usually do it differently. We try to smile, greet and bid farewell, especially to our estate neighbours and people around here have been especially friendly.
This time, the grandma took the initiative to strike up a conversation.
She asked, “How old is your brother?”
I gave her an incredulous look, “My BROTHER? She’s a girl and I’m HER MOM!”
Too funny (pardon the broken English), isn’t it and how can I not roar after such a funny episode?
So, I HAD been overwhelmed, exhausted and all that negative vibes ……
….. and yes, I still experience endless chores, can’t-wait-to-crawl-into-bed-tiredness, 48-hours-day-please-wish, ‘why-must-people-eat syndrome’ ….
….. BUT I’m ready to roar again!
Trust me, this time I know it, it is going to last.
I will tell you the whys and hows and whats and whens in bits and pieces …..
In the meantime, hear watch me ROAR!
“If mothers could learn to do for themselves what they do for their children when these are overdone, we should have happier households. Let the mother go out to play! If she would have the courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or half a day, out in the fields, or with a favourite book, or in a picture gallery looking long and well at just two or three pictures, or in bed, without the children, life would go on far more happily for both children and parents. The mother would then be able to hold herself in “wise passiveness’ and would not fret her children by continual interference even of hand or eye – she would let them be.”
- Charlotte Mason
Working on the wise the words of Charlotte Mason.
Thanks for all your words of encouragement and cheering me on. I’m almost there!
So I was asked, how did all that jazz from my holiday fade so quickly?
A week ago, I was all refreshed and recharged. Another week on, I’m sinking again!
Shortly after my holiday, I realise that I sorely miss room service and the chamber maid!
You see, we were on a retreat, and I mean, it was a REAL retreat. We spent most of our time away from most people in Bali. Spent some cold nights in the highlands of Bali and the rest in a villa tuck away in an obscure part of Bali surrounded by tobacco plantations. Who says Bali is touristy?
I did have a kitchenette and wok up meals for the little ones, especially after two bouts of allergic attacks on my Angel! Simple cooking, minimal cleaning!
All our other meals were prepared for us, especially in the mountains of Batukura. We were treated to the freshest homecooked food in such a lovely kitchen! And then of course, the villa had such a large space that we get daily room service.
On that holiday, I had a relaxed pace of life and didn’t have to care about the idiosyncracies of daily life for a while.
The ‘problem’ I see now is, because we were quite secluded, I didn’t manage to draw a lot of energy.
Like me, my Angel is a spirited child. She saps my energy and I’m drained of energy with her daily. The spirited me then needs to draw energy from others. That’s where my problem lies. I haven’t quite managed to do that, not even on our holiday. The person I meet daily is the Alternative Dad who draws his energy from non-living gadgets. In my course of a day, I have problems gaining access to energy! I’m burning out!
And this probably explains why I have lost all that holiday jazz so quickly. I can’t even keep up with my daily responsibilities!
I now teeter on the brink of tetchiness, irascibility and exasperation, resulting in helplessness on how to get myself out of this rut.
I dislike being irritable all day, have absolute zero patience with the children and just want to be alone but yet not.
I have an idea and this idea is going to be my birthday wish.
In the meantime, please send me positive vibes, pray for me, whatever. I need all the positive encouragement, optimism, positive energy and heartening I can get.
I don’t want to complain, I just want to DO SOMETHING!
Sorry, it’s been a bit of a sleepy blog here, mainly because I’ve been up to :
- a ruthless assault on decluttering
I did another carboot sale barely a month after my ‘flea market with a bang‘. The Alternative Dad remarked that I’d probably need to do another round of carboot if I’d to tackle the storeroom. Make it happen soon?
- my Igloo (ibook G4) dying on me
It is lagging so much now, I’ve to do something really quick about it.
- my Angel turned 5
With the Angel, birthdays are HUGE turning milestones in her life and this year is no exception. I completely spent my energy on organising her party, not once but twice!
- the Angels falling sick round robin
The round robin sickness was driving me crazy and sick children are never fun!
- we went on a retreat!
We spent a lovely 10 days in the mountains and riverside of Bali and the Angels came back completely healed, all coughs recovered, all phlegm dissolved and fully recharged and refreshed!
So am I!
Another hiatus from blogging despite my nagging call to get organised. I’ve so much to blog about, replies to write, but the words are not flowing, or the heart and mind are out of sync…
Half of 2009 has gone by and I desperately need to declutter, my home, my thoughts and quickly move on with getting organised, keeping tidy and getting started on beautifying instead.
I spent the last weekend of June at a flea market@playground, with a dogged tenacity to SELL EVERYTHING I brought along.
I made sales talk, had a lot of laughs, got acquainted with a mom who stays around my area and agreed to have a meet up with our children, tried Carl’s Junior (I never have it when my Angel is around because she can’t have it and she usually goes where I go), had solidarity time, and almost had a sell-out of my stuff! That was the most satisfying part of the 2-days hardwork! What a bang!
And because the flea market was held at the very venue of the finale of National Family Celebration, we were treated to bangs, bangs, bangs of pyrotechnics.
I was naturally absolved of my maternal duty during my weekend stint as the Alternative Dad took on the job. I ended up with a sick child during mid week and then, the other Angel caught on the bug, too.
Now, I’m picking up the pieces after all that bang.
Told you, it was flea market with a bang.
One morning, after being told that I’ve cancelled the picnic we’d planned for the day, the Angel went into a, “It’s NOT FAIR!” frenzy.
She wailed for 15 minutes, and in all, took 25 minutes to be ready for breakfast. By then, breakfast was over, except for a glass of milk. She was given 10 minutes to get ready since she started on her ‘NOT FAIR” frenzy.
Fair – definitely not a word I want to introduce to my children.
What is fairness?
Is it fair than that our children have so much and others have none? Is it fair that other children are orphaned or have to go hungry daily? Is it fair that we get what we want or none at all?
(more…)
Alternative Dad : I remember when I was young, my mom washed the clothes in the morning and by 2pm, everything will be dried and folded away. You are strange. You wash clothes at night and hang your laundry at night!
Alternative Mom : If I do the laundry at night, I’d get to spend more time with the Angels in the day instead of being constantly engaged in chores. It gives me less stress and the clothes will get dry by 2pm tomorrow, anyway!
So, I was in bed talking to the Alternative Dad while waiting for the Angel to sleep.
I’ve been terribly exhausted lately for a long time and what a revelation this conversation led to!
Suddenly, I got it figured out!
I pull through my day running the household entirely, from the buying of groceries to preparing and cooking meals (I cook almost every single meal), washing up, laundry (yikes!) taking care of the Angels, homeschooling, outdoor time, excursions, everything.
For so many months, the Alternative Dad had not even lifted a finger to help me with any chores. The closest he has gotten to was to help me with washing a cup (his).
It’s no wonder that I’m spent and need to do my laundry at night!
So, after the conversation that really had a lot of laughter involved, he had a good laugh at himself AND volunteered to wash the dishes after dinner and do the occasional laundry.
Yahoo!!!!
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The above conversation took place about 3 weeks ago.
His enthusiasm is beginning to wane off, with one round of washing asking, “Why are there so many dishes to wash?”
My dishes are again piling up.
Maybe it’s time for that sort of conversation again.