Internalized Learning
May 31, 2007 12:31 amA comment left by Gladys on my post on “Let’s Go the the Learn Ground” has raised a few salient points which I feel is worth discussing in a new post. Thanks, Gladys and sorry I have taken so long to post this! I can finally breathe (and think) now that the rain has washed my hayfever away!
1) Learning through rewards
2) Value of Learning
Here’s what Gladys wrote :
“Hello AM,
A brilliant terminology!
As we are on the subject of learning and introducing fun to the process instead of a dread, I’d like to share on a friend’s experience, and possibly bring it up for discussion.
Nick has a five year old - Mark. Nick and his partner have never once scolded or hit Mark. Their method of teaching and discipline is via a point system. Mark earns points for things done well, good behavior, etc. And points are deducted when he misbehaves, etc. At the end of each day, he is rewarded in some way.
This has proved to be a very motivating way for Mark to be consistent with his good behavior and obedience. Also, because of the point system, everything seems to be like a game. As such, again it becomes fun and more motivating.
However, my thoughts are that Mark risk growing up to be too much of a competitor. And if lessons are taught through earning points, could there be a possibility that the value of a lesson has been undervalued? Or maybe even becoming a commodity instead of a value? I personally feel learning through games and play is fantastic for little ones. Fun and joy is and should be the first emotions that they relate to. Shouldn’t there be a line (even if it is dotted) between the fun of learning and the value of the lesson?
–
With regards to AM’s statement: “differentiate learning - learning what is worth learning and what is not.”
I suppose one could start by introducing the consequences of bad attitudes or behavior, leading on to a leasson of learning ‘what not to do’. Example, if I do not take turns to use the slide and wait for the friend before me to finish, two things will happen.
1) I will crash into my friend at when sliding down. This causes pain.
2) A chaos will erupt and I will be spending more time fighting to use the slide than actually using the slide.
One way of differentiating learning through types of lessons learnt. Another way is the way lessons are learnt, pointing back to the story of Nick and Mark.
I am interested to know your thoughts and that of other parents too.”
1) Learning through Rewards
Gladys has pointed out an interesting point about learning through reward. Let me share with you what I have experienced.
About five months ago, I thought I bought the most wonderful ‘toy’. It is a magnetic reward chart that allows me to write what I’d like the Angel to achieve and she will get a magnet for each achievement made and at the end of it, her rewards. Usually her rewards are treats like candies and maybe an outing. I even brought the chart on our trip to London as it was foldable and compact. When I started on it, I was all praise about the ‘toy’ I had. Less than two months after using it, I discarded the idea totally because I felt that it was backfiring on me. Why so?
A reward chart works on giving our children rewards on something they have to do. I was getting her to co-operate with some issues like using the potty to pass motion, eating like a princess, etc, until one day, my daughter told me, she was going to pass motion and she wanted a magnet and a candy. As days went by, I felt as if I was being ‘blackmailed’ into giving her candies or treats and her motivation seemed to be the magnets or the candies. She was still trying to do what was asked of her, but it was obvious where her motivation was coming from. After a few sessions of such blackmailing, I decided that it was enough and stopped using it. Instead, I refocus on getting her co-operation in other ways. As for treats like candies, we learn to enjoy having a candy occasionally (as a surprise, as a treat when we feel like it), rather than using candies as rewards. After my decision to stop using rewards, The New Parent posted one on Rewards and Punishments which is really worth reading.
Therefore, in the case of Mark, his parents use rewards as a form of learning for him - rewards to get him to fulfill his responsibility, demerit points when he errs to make him work harder towards his rewards. I’m not sure how far or how long this will go on. Rewards can only get more difficult to handle (for example, how long the reward of a magnet or candy be a lure to the Angel if I had continued to use it? I would probably have to give her more enticing rewards if I need her continnued co-operation).
When learning is learnt through rewards, what I have personally experienced is that the child will whole-heartedly co-operate when the reward is a lure but whether the learning is internalized or not, it is probably another matter altogether.
I’m not sure about Mark but the alternative dad always say that different pareting methods works on different children. I have first hand experience of a friend whose parenting style is that of rewarding her child with time to play on the computer if he abides by her demands. The child appeases the mother to do what she wants and gets his rewards but he does not exactly do what he is told wholeheartedly nor does he enjoy what is imposed on him. He looks forward only to the carrot that dangles.
2) Value of Learning
My idea about learning being ‘fun’ is more geared towards learning being meaningful. Is the learning meaingful to Mark given the points and reward system? Or is it the reward that has more meaning to him? I see it as the latter. And it is probably right to say that the lesson is “undervalued’, or in my words, not internalized.
While I like to make learning ‘fun’, I drive towards making learning meaningful, that is, to contextualise the learning. I have observed how eager parents are to make scholars out of their children through academic achievements but the learning they impose on their children to achieve the academic achievement is fixated to paper and pen and books. Why can’t we make learning meaningful everyday? If we make it meaningful, it becomes ‘fun’ because it is contextualised and meaningful.
When my daughter was ready and very eager to learn words, I thought of some meaningful ways to teach her to use phonics meaningfully. Since she has surprised me by having learnt all the sounds of the letters from toys and Starfall, I thought it is time to combine what she knows to help her use the phonics meaningfully. I put up a word wall for her and started with just a few words and pictures to illustrate the correct sounds. After a while, she either makes up sound herself from words she knows or discover words that we speak that begin with the appropriate sounds and will sound them out purposefully. I personally feel that in such a context, the learning has been internalized. We do not have to learn phonics confined to the toys, books or our word wall. Whenever we are in or out, on a journey or reading a book, we can discuss the word-sound relationships. This is the kind of learning I think we should teach our children - internalized and it is ‘fun’ because it is contextualised. I first learn it and then I see it everywhere I am where I can use it. It is not confined to the very books / toys where I have learnt it from.
Therefore, my thought on the value of learning is that, once it is meaningful and contextualised, it has its own ‘fun’ elements (because the children know why they are learning it - to use it in their daily lives) and most of all, when internalized, they last a lifetime. The children also learn because they want to learn more about it, learn deeper into it. Of course, I believe that later on, skills such as perseverance and determination need to be introduced and taught to escalate the learning.
I agree with you, Gladys, that the right emotions should be associated with learning. To me, it has been tried and tested in classes of children, if learning is contextualised and made meaingful, every child endeavors to do it, even if he has a learning difficulty, but at least the right emotions have been pulled. The simple fact that they are eager to go to class brings forth an open mind to learning. Where learning is internalised, I believe the value is ingrained.
I, too, would like to hear what others parents think of what Gladys has mentioned.
Categories: Parenting Tips
13 Responses to “Internalized Learning”
Hi AM–similar to you, I’ve thought of the reward system as too reward focused. Like my dog who will do wonderful tricks when given a reward, he is really only interested in the reward. The learning seems to be there only to get the reward.
Do you see any situations where giving a concrete reward like food, is relevant?
Thanks for a terrific post!
This is a great post! I used to use the reward thing all the times but nw, not often. What I do nowadays is I ask my kids to put themselves in other’s shoes. What if they are the mommy and I don’t listen and so on….
Wonderful post, though a little heavy for before lunch reading hehehe
i always imagine that raising kids should be somewhat similar to running a company and country and i ask myself, what would the CEO or PM have done in this case. their similarity:
example 1, company:
- the normal carrot = my paycheque for carrying out my duty
- the special carrot = bonuses and increments dished out for a job super well done
- the cane = big white envelope for not doing my job well
example 2, country:
- the carrot = fulfil the criteria as listed in pr application and i get to stay in my adopted counrty
- the super carrot = have more babies, get baby bonus
- the cane = break any law, go to jail and lose my pr status
when applied to cairo (soon):
- the carrot = we offer words of encouragement and approval plus smiles whenever cairo is following instructions
- the super carrot = treats for doing anything above and beyond the call of duty (say, forsaking her usual playtime (which is all the time now, duh) to help me with my chore instead - though so far she’s only good as a gopher)
- the cane = being rude on purpose, using tear drops and loud screams are bargaining chips etc
i think that the reward system must always work hand in hand with the rod (to be used sparingly though), otherwise we wont have the need for prisons and fines anymore…
and since most of us are working for money (and hopefully there’s interest and a good cause in it also), why would we teach our kids a different set of rules (for the sake of doin it…enjoy the process blah blah blah) only to have them re-learn the ways of the world upon graduation into adulthood? nothing is wrong with appreciating the carrot i say.
the difficult part is in negotiating with the brats what’s worth a carrot and what should be super carrot, i think :p
Hi New Parent, interesting question about giving food as a concrete reward. Let’s see, food is something we give to the child to satisfy basic needs and treats, to me, are above-basic-needs food that we enjoy on special occasion, as a pleasure.
Perhaps years ago, in my society, when people had to struggle with their basic needs, food as a reward is probably a form of motivation. Nowadays, in our societies, food is such a surplus that children waste rather than appreciate food. But where basic needs are not met, maybe food can be a concrete form of reward?
This really brings to mine a story where a family was too poor to afford any meat with their rice and everyday, they would enjoy their plain rice while looking at a huge picture of a whole chicken and pretending that they were having their plain rice with the delectable chicken which was so out of reach. Under such a circumstance, maybe the child in that family will be very motivated to learn, to excel, perhaps so that one day, he can have the real chicken. That perhaps is the reward he aims for or a reward that will work on him. I can’t think of any food that will entice our children now, except fast food, candies, chocolates (junk food?)! Some of such food is not even enticing because they can have it anytime.
I see food in two categories - to meet basic needs or treats. We don’t deprive our children of basic needs unless we are in dire circumstances where we cannot provide. Treats are ‘luxury’ food that we can go without in our daily lives but are nice-to-haves.
Because I felt ‘blackmailed’ by my daughter into giving her candies, I no longer use it as a form of reward. In fact, for candies, we enjoy it when we want to give ourselves special treats, like when we go on a long journey and feeling happy or when sometimes, I just want to give her a surprise, or sometimes, she’d just tell me, “I feel like eating a candy.” Because it is not habitual and it really seems like a treat we give ourselves occasionally, it also becomes something that is enjoyed with control.
Therefore, in my opinion, I prefer to use food to serve its purpose - to meet essential needs or as an enjoyment.
While I do not use food as a concrete reward, I must say that I have used food to condition my child, such as from the beginning, I would give my child food while sitting in the pram or car seat. It isn’t a reward for sitting but it has become some form of conditioning that my daughter likes to have something to eat while sitting in the pram or car seat.
Thanks for asking New Parent. What about you? Have you ever used it? *smile*
Hello LZmommy, thanks for dropping by! I like your idea about teaching your child to put themselves in others’ shoes. Will it work with a 3 year old or will a child need to be older to understand it?
I see it as two different things here, learning about discipline and learning about the world around her/him, acquisition of knowledge.
I have no qualms about discipline through rewards. It might be a good and fun way for kids to achieve some goals, say if I get 10 stars, Dad will buy me a toy or I feel proud that I’ve been a good boy or girl.
As for acquisition of knowlege, like a young child picking up words, and absorbing in knowlege around him/her, there should be a inane desire for her/him to want to learn for the sake of learning, that is wanting to find out, wanting to do things for him/herself. I used Montessori methods for Ryan and indeed I see that children have a natural desire to learn and we want to nurture that because this will go with them a long way (we are talking about life-long learning here). I won’t want to ruin it with a reward system.
Just my little thoughts on the subject.
well i guess we have to make learning fun, or else they’d feel bored
Hi AM–wonderful post. I don’t use a reward system at all. Without a reward system, there are simply activities that a child must learn to do. I have always questioned the wisdom of rewarding that which has to be done.
Like you, I see food as a necessity or a pleasure or a learning tool, but not as part of a reward system.
Hi mom of cairo, thanks for your thoughts! I like your analogies and choice of words! *laugh!!!*
I believe different parents use different strokes which ultimately depends on our bottomline line. As I read your comments and thoughts about my reply, I am more enlightened about the reason for my choice of parenting style.
Ultimately, I guess, parents bring up children to want the best for them. Do you remember your parents telling you, when you were young, that you better study hard, otherwise, you will grow up to ‘pour shit’ (in dialect) or become a rubbish collector. Then, I think, all our parents wanted us to be academically inclined because, to them, that is the way for us to earn a decent living and respect and enjoy a better life in the future (majority are not literate themselves). So, the alternative dad and I were discussing what would happen one day if the Angel did not skew towards academic inclination. ‘Pouring shit’ doesn’t work anymore as a ‘rubbish collector’ now earns more than some other kinds of work and most of all, I teach the Angel to have a lot of respect for these people who clean up for us. So, where does that leave us?
For example, in Mark’s case, he might be conditioned to be competitive from young, perhaps, from the way he is being rewarded to ‘perform’. Would he eventually see learning as a form of winning or losing?
For us, we are driven towards our child being gracious (our nation is driving towards a gracious society but we can’t just want people to become gracious without making the conditions to make gracious people - for example, in a very competitive society, is it easy to be gracious?) and passionate (about life, about learning). Therefore, the reward system doesn’t work for us because we do not want her to be conditioned in that way. Do and learn because we have to, want to, not because there is something at the end of it. Learn about it is worth learning.
And I do agree with you, when there is a reward system, there will come a point to negotiate about the carrots and super carrots and we have to keep up with the stakes (which will get bigger and bigger).
Hi Dory, thanks for dropping by! I’m so glad we are connected!
I see your point about using reward when teaching discipline. To me, it was an easy way out, but for the reasons above, I stop it.
Like you, I believe in life-long learning. Do you think lifelong learning can be instilled for discipline, too?
Hi jazzmint, nice to hear from you! It is true, using fun can capture a child’s attention to learning! Children at a young age do seem to get bored quite easily!
Hi AM, this post is good! Pretty long, hope I didn’t miss out anything while reading thru (laugh!)
For me, I do not use reward system too. I feel that using a reward system is not the best way to get our child to do what is expected of him/her to do. So, if a child is rewarded after doing certain task, what if there is no reward, does that means that the child will not do the task at all?
I would prefer to let the child know what his/her responsibilities are and why he/she should be responsible for it. And by doing it, it should be a joy and not a chore (unpleasant task). I always explain to Grace that whenever she completed doing something, be it packing her toys, putting her pillows and blanket away every morning, or helping mommy with the laundry, she is doing the basic of what she is supposed to do. And that pleases her mommy (me!).
As for reward, it is a treat NOT a must (and it does not happen every time just occasionally). Whenever she does something, be it for herself or for the family, she must do it without having any reward in mind. But I will give her her needed praises and encouragements. Praises must never be overly done lest it lose it effectiveness.
I realised this make her a happy child, easily contented and know what is expected of her. And I, a happy mom! (smile)
Once again, thanks for sharing this! It’s truly enlightening to know.
Hi Jean, it’s nice to have you back after your holidays! *smile* I share your thoughts, too! You did bring up interesting points about doing tasks as a joy and an “easily contented” child and I think that is sooo important, isn’t it! Thanks for sharing!
Care to comment?