Recently, I ‘forbid’ the Angel to consume food that the Other Angel cannot have in front of her sister, mainly because the Other Angel will go into a screaming frenzy if she does not get what her sister is eating.
To understand the background a little better, the Other Angel is a gorger and currently, a screamer (more about her later).
If you can then imagine, she, who loves food, can’t eat it will scream her heart out!
Two days after I’ve introduced this rule to the Angel, I was eating Swiss roll. I was famished and tired from preparing dinner and really needed a quick bite to replenish the depleted energy while serving the Angel.
She came sobbing to me, “Mom! I want to eat the Swiss roll but I know I can’t. You shouldn’t eat the Swiss roll in front of me!”
Then she ran away.
I was in shock in between my bite of Swiss roll. She had conveyed with profound truth my rude manner (usually I’m really careful what I eat before her as to eliminate the exclusion factor and we try not have anything that she can’t eat at home).
I finished up my Swiss roll and she came back to the table for her food. I apologised and we both went into a discourse about food and eating with others and her sister.
We concluded that her sister is unable to exercise self-control so we have to protect her, while we try to think of ideas to help her with her screaming bit. More importantly, she walked away this the notion that she can’t dictate what others eat and should not impose our ‘can’ts’ (can’t eat, can’t do) on others. The Angel has decided that it is better for her to enjoy others’ company – travel, visit friends, try other restaurants, rather than demand that no one has food she can’t have.
For me, I know from my heart that the Angel hardly has the issue of dealing with what others are eating. She often finds alternatives, walk away, or the most, she’d give a sigh and says, “Oh, I can’t have that but never mind. Maybe next time.”
In fact, I often cringe when friends bring food that she can’t have or children tell her in her face, “Oh, I’m eating this but you can’t have it.” She has always handled such situations graciously but I feel downright lousy for being the one this time.I walk away humbly, with this lesson in parenting, “Do Unto Others What You Want Others to Do Unto You”. I set the rule that the Angel is not to eat anything that the Other Angel can’t have and I myself did not abide by the rule to her.
I set her off by having a rule which I did not keep.
Parenting is remembering and setting the example.
This is so true. It applies not only to food, but other things as well, like behaviours etc. I am so guilty off ‘Not’ ‘Do unto others What You Want Others to Do Unto You’… thanks for the reminder… I really need to work on it… and I think Angel is such a nice and understanding young lady, Jas, you had done well to nuture her in that manner. Cheers to you.
Hi Linda, nice to hear from you! I have many such moments, too, and I really need to constantly remember and remind myself, too. Don’t our kids just portray us and when we check them out, we see so much of ourselves in them, sometimes the best and sometimes, the worst!