My update and post on eczema has brought on many comments from parents who understand and who are going through what dealing with an eczema child is like. Through parents from various countries who share openly about the difficult situations they are coping with and finding parallel in many areas of coping and handling eczema, it brings to mind that we are not alone in this ‘fight’ against the eczema beast.
I have dedicated most of my time and effort since my last post on helping the Angel with her eczema. No effort or time is spared to ensure that we achieve eczema-free days. We keep to a daily regime of routine and attention that have brought us so far to our mostly eczema-free days. The month of April was the sweetest time of our lives since our return!
There are still bad days when our quality of life is severely affected but those have been the occassional days rather than the norm until recently!!!
Fighting the eczema beast in Singapore has been a steep learning curve at times but through love, patience and karuna (and constantly asking for more of these three qualities in my life), we have managed to bring life to a normalcy.
I throw my life out of tangent, socialise only with those who understand my constraints, do the minimal required in a day, and focus entirely on the Angel.
Having not kept up with blog reading, I recently read a post from Mel (Perspective of Life in a Different Pasture) who has very kindly dedicated a post on ‘Coping with Eczema‘ to me when I asked about how she coped with her eczema child in Singapore. Many, many thanks for such a generous gesture, Mel!
I cope with the Angel’s eczema (sans steroid, sans medication) through a few simple ways :
1) Carrot juice - the juicing continues! All I can say is that, the daily carrot juice does its own wonders on the Angel’s skin. Two sticks of carrots and an apple a day. Trust me, but they are the mainstay to eczema-free days!
2) Fish oil - the Angel is back on fish oil. According to Dr Hugo, it is in the Angel’s filggarin that is causing all that dryness. Whether or not fish oil is helping, I know that the carrot juice is doing its bit!
3) Stress-free - I see how stress brings on the onset of the itch-scratch cycle. I keep away from stressful situations (there are just some places that create a lot of stress for either of us) and plan the day carefully, especially when going out of the comfort zone of home. I learn to say ‘no’ when it is better to stay home and I learn to do less but yet achieve more (when you have eczema-free days, you have achieved loads!) in a day.
4) Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize - the Angel is kept moisturized daily (I’m currently using Aqueous Cream and QV but most moisturizer works) and I found the most effective sunscreen that works and which we use even when at home (Avene Sun Protection for Children 40 SPF)! Expensive but worth every penny of our money!
5) Time and attention - Almost all of my time and attention is dedicated to the Angel. Without the time and attention, the simple understanding of the habit of the mind of my eczema child, it will be almost impossible to achieve eczema-free days. It is also CRUCIAL that people who spend time with your eczema child knows how to handle it as well. I have seen how others can perpetuate the scratching habit and make achieving eczema-free days REALLY an arduous journey.
6) Herbal Rinse from Weeds (picked from fields in Singapore) - My parents conscientiously pluck a certain wild weed growing at open fields in Singapore and attest to everyone that it is the daily herbal rinse from this particular weed that is healing the Angel’s skin. I do agree that the weed has a cooling effect on the skin and also provide the Angel a mental deposit to overcome her scratching but I cannot ascertain that it is the reason for her beautiful skin.
While I’m writing this, the Angel’s skin has recently been quite broken and badly scratched up. The circumstances leading to her scratching really deserve another post of its own but for now, parents who are dealing with eczema children in Singapore, I’d suggest the above to achieve more eczema-free days!
This video resounds in my mind so loudly and I agree with very much of what she has to say, especially when I’m back home to see all that consumerism in our society - the compalling buy buy syndrome.
Is there really no end to buying?
If you think you aren’t going to sit through that 20 minute video, start from the Consumption part (yes, you can select different parts for viewing), it might just speak volume about to you.
It has been a long hiatus and my blog has been dormant for months - almost five months have past!
Having crossed continents and settling into life back ‘home’ has taken a lot of getting used to, what with the extreme weather difference and hitting back into the culture which we have not been so immersed in since our stint in UK. It is inevitable that we are looking at every aspect of our lives with a new found consciousness. This is the uncomplicated part of our new lives.
Our current struggle lies in helping the Angel acclimatize to the sultry weather.
The two week tolerance level reached its peak upon our return and by the second week, her eczema took a turn for the worst and we have been going downhill and fluctuating since then. Currently, her body simply cannot adjust to the hot, hot weather here and she is a perpetual ‘furnace’.
In a nutshell, we went back to that elusive sleep, vicious cycle of scratching, broken skin, lots of crying, sadness, frustration. If life is anything to go by, it must be having a child who is enjoying her life and not suffering through it.
Again, I learn, all over, to cope with her eczema in an entirely new environment. I admit, I made the mistake of not following my maternal instinct, that maternal prompting.
When we were back, the Angel was on her eczema free days. She was a beautiful child and she was enjoying her time in Singapore. We spent two wonderful nights at the beautiful Amara Scantuary Resort at Sentosa before settling into a temporary home and then full time work for both of us.
By the time we started to settle into the routines of life here, and it was time for me to go to work, the Angel was still as beautiful. For the first time in our lives, we both had to leave her to my parents while we left for work. If we had a moment, I think we would have cried in each other’s arms. Our brief moments in the lift left us both so touched by her bravery and her adaptability. She gave us many hugs before we left but not a single whine or cry. She said her goodbyes so easily, we were the ones who felt we could not leave her behind. It wasn’t separation anxiety on our part, as someone out it, but rather, it was a kind of sadness in leaving her to someone else, albeit grandparents. I guess we were so used to having her with either of us.
Anyway, those were the good days.
All I can say now is, I did not stick to my maternal prompting and put my foot down on what I can say is a stop to allowing the eczema to flare up or perhaps, like the doctor said, there is a level of tolerance and by the end of the second week, I have a very broken child, whose physical body is overtaken by the severity of such acute eczema that emotionally, she is all broken and totally dependent on me.
I had to seek medical help, work from home, deal with a child who cannot cope with the environment. I retreated, once again, into my own world; I dreaded meeting people - it is true what I have said before, wherever I go, I get stares or advices from everyone who has something to say about her condition. Nothing makes it easier for me to explain to them that my child is currently suffering from severe eczema and yes, I am under the best medical care. I have recommendations from strangers to see doctors all over, even to KL or someone with something so hurtful to say (ouch!) about my child that frankly, I was no longer interested to go out.
For a long time, I fell into depression. I didn’t want to see anyone because no one understands what it means to have a child with eczema. I didn’t want to talk to anyone who thinks that I’m not doing anything right or who comes with advices that I have to follow. I didn’t want to socialise because no one understands my constraints and difficulties. I closed all doors and only those who are close enough and who understands all that emotional stress that I am going through are allowed in because I do not have any energy left to explain. I was simply overwhelmed with tiredness and my physical body is not at its tip to handle any of this in one go.
All I can say now is, things are looking up. I spend all my waking and sleeping moments on the Angel. My relentless efforts are aimed at building up her skin barrier dysfunctions and only when the physical body of an eczema child is built up, then can the emotional needs be met easier. I see for myself how the Angel fell, from the most beautiful child and such an amazingly adaptable one to a totally broken child because her physical body is giving her all the trouble.
I learn to stay away from people who make my job so much harder; I desperately need to heal myself and seek encouragement to go on because this can be such a daunting, disheartening and endless task at times that all I can say is, I haven’t found a replacement yet. I learn to put my foot down, I learn to say ‘no’, I learn that whatever I do, I meet the Angel’s needs and I know then, that life will be beautiful again. I know it is hard for anyone to comprehend what I am doing but in the long run, I will have a beautiful child and then, I can repair whatever is broken. At times, it is no point talking till the cows go home, because it takes the main caregiver to know what it means to handle a child with eczema.
At the same time, I quit socialising. I’m sorry to all those friends and family whom I cannot meet and I’m eternally thankful to those who understand more than judge what I’m going through or who understand my needs to be home most of the time and to stick to the Angel’s routines. Something’s gotta give.
With medical care, I believe that I have finally found THE doctor (Dr T.Thirumoorthy) who understands more about handling eczema and being a mother to a child with eczema than anyone I have ever met. I used to meet him once in two weeks; I call those sessions MY therapy sessions because I ALWAYS walk out of the clinic knowing that I can continue to do what I’m doing for the Angel despite the desire to throw in the towel at times. He encourages me that with my knowledge on eczema, all I need now is to perserve on and imagine that I’m running a marathon. I know now why my parents call him the miracle doctor. No, he did not miraculously heal the Angel and I didn’t expect anyone to, and I went along to the doctor because my parents believe that he would. Little did they know that he did more good than anyone has done on earth for me to handle the Angel. So, YES, he is the MIRACLE doctor. If I think that I cannot go on anymore, he will be the person I will turn to because I know that I will walk out of his clinic knowing “that’s why God makes mothers”.
Visitng consultant, Professor Hugo, at NSC, helps us with the Angel’s allergies. Again, he is another doctor who plays a part in assuring me that there are good doctors out there who take a real and keen interest in each individual child and who is NOT one who just wants to whisk you out of his clinic to see the next patient. With him, we want to test out the allergies (known or unknown) that the Angel is saddled with and hopefully, knowing the leakages can help us to handle the acute eczema.
Lastly, the Angel is also under the care of an experienced Chinese sinseh who understands what eczema is all about. I believe that TCM works from inside out and heals the body than treats just the prevailing condition. The challenge was in looking for one who is experienced in eczema and most importantly, without prescribing dubious cream. Having found Dr Wong from Chee Seng Tong is another prayer answered, thanks to a friend’s recommendation. He himself told me my child has eczema (severe) and I’m in for the long haul. Had he told me that he had some miracle cream, I knew I would have walked out of the clinic. With him, we discuss diet control. Being aware of how some strong chinese medication can harm a person’s liver, I’m glad each prescription comes with a proper ingredient list with dosage which I keep a record of.
I spent the whole of my last month not leaving the Angel at all and she was almost completely healed. We reached almost some form of eczema free days but few days ago, I, again, made the mistake of leaving her, just for a mere three hours to tend to some school work, and I came home to an all scratched-up child. My heart is broken and there is a lot of repair to be done again but I assure you, life is looking better and I know I can go on.
We have found the dream home that gives us the peace, the coolness, the quality of life that we need to move on and we are grateful. After three months into work (although I was working from home most of the time, with heartfelt gratitude to my superiors), I am now a SAHM. God has shown me many humbling moments and I can’t be more grateful. On Christmas day, my home was filled with warmth by three sets of people who came and cheered up my life. It makes me think that I’m ready to meet people again. We spent the New Year at the ‘highlands’ in Malaysia, just to find a respite from the heat for the Angel so that she could go out into the great outdoors when there is daylight. Those two days did wonders for her soul and she finally gave herself and me long hours of sleep.
I am now looking for a support group in Singapore with regards to handling children with eczema. We gather from doctors the statistics of children with eczema in Singapore is astonishing. Having the knowledge to deal with eczema is so important and I hope I can not only share mine, but learn from other parents as well. Parents who deal with children with eczema need a lot of support and help and I’m sure building a community of practice of sort will help parents go a long way.
I am going to be back at blogging and catching up on blog reading. My friends, you will hear from me soon. I have given all my time to my work and my child and now, I think it is time to come out, a little of my world, to socialise, to talk, to hold discourses again. I’m still a keen parent on observing my child, and homeschooling, despite the mounting challenges I face.
It is the new year and it signals a new beginning to a good start and I embrace that. A peaceful and happy new year to everyone!
This is really a busy week. My inlaws are here and the Angel is turning three.
I started planning, thinking, marinating, baking on Sunday night, fell asleep and woke up at 6am on Monday to carry on with the preparation.
My parents-in-law arrived on Monday morning and I arranged a little people’s party for the Angel and her friend, L.
I single-handedly prepared all the party food and baked a cake for the Angel which she can have! Last year, I remember how hard the group from Honeypot House came to our house to try to bake a cake sans wheat, sans eggs, sans milk! The cake was exactly what we had wanted it to be - a rabbit - but the taste was weird when we mixed them with all that soya flour, rice flour, and all kinds of flour to make it work! I had such a wonderful team of people helping me last year (I didn’t do much of the baking really) but this year, I’m completely on my own!
I tried baking a cake last month for a boy’s birthday and the Angel could have it. It really was a simple attempt but on Monday, I baked a blackforest lookalike cake for the little party. I quite like the overall effect after all that effort. I realise it is really fun baking your own child’s birthday and you can customised it to what your child likes.
Thanks to the Pilgrim Parent, I borrowed the memory game idea, but modified it to an ‘everybody wins spirit’. While each child took turns, both reaped the rewards when each could recall what was beneath the cloth. Such fun when they had such a ‘loot’ in their ’shopping bag’ which they have earned!
One of the greatest laugh we had at the party was when the Angel and her guest discussed about the conditions of their hands as a conversation topic, they both suffer from pretty acute eczema. At almost three, these two girls sure have very serious topics to share! It was such a laugh!
Now, at 4am in the morning, I have better get my skates on to prepare for the big party later on.
I spent the last week reflecting on Fathers’ Day . We decided that the alternative dad deserved to be treated to a good set of tools which he so desperately needed for all his DIY jobs. We had a nice evening of roast duck with our beloved friend, C, and had such a lot of laughter talking about the upcoming events in our lives.
What are fathers made of?
As a daughter, some skills and advice that my father has given me just sink deep in.
I love books from young and I remember once, my father told me, “You can read all books but there is no point reading books that are not worth reading. Just spend time on useful ones.” I usually am stawlart about the books I start on, but my father’s advice has a profound impact (although I used it much more later on in life).
I can still remember it was my father who introduced me to the Chinese ‘hanyu pinyin’ (phonics). The way he said it still rings in my ears now. I cannot remember if he taught me everything or the rest were learnt in school, but I like to believe and still think that it was him who taught me all of them and I remain grounded in them.
Recently, my parents came for a visit. After not seeing one another for so long, we had a lot of catching up to do, chatting about relatives. My father said a very wise sentence, “It’s not important what people do to us, as long as we remain close as a family and give one another support, that is what counts.” Sometimes, he reveals his thoughts in unexpected circumstances.
In many ways, my own father and the alternative dad are similar.
As a daughter, I sometimes do warm up to my father easier, given his more logical, less lengthy explanations.
As a mother, I enjoy the idiosyncrasies the alternative dad exposes the Angel to.
The way he teaches the Angel to handle his tools and learns how to take out nuts and bolts and what nots! The way he teaches her to sing (usually not the correct version!). How he almost never says no to her and where I know the question of ‘who’s the boss’ applies alot to him. His more detached, more logical deductions, practical lessons such as ’soft landing’, falling with the head up ….
As an individual, a father presents a different set of persepctives to a child. As a daughter and a mother, I value that difference and sometimes, it is worth learning the taciturn, concise, analytical and logical thought that both of them have taught me to explore.
Inspired by this post, I shall leave with the Angel’s words which I know will never fail to bring a smile over the course of the alternative dad’s day.
As I used to say with Valentine’s Day, now Fathers’ Day. To all fathers, everyday is a Fathers’ Day!
Two mornings ago, both the alternative parents were kneeling beside the Angel’s table, sorting out the position of the legs.
Just as the alternative dad was about to stand up after adjusting the Angel’s table, he felt dizzy and tried to stand up while using the wall for support. At that moment, I was helping the Angel transfer her hot milk into a smaller cup.
Suddenly, the alternative dad fell against the wall and subsequently, scrapped his face and glasses against the wall as he fell with a loud thump!
The alternative dad had had a blackout!
I rushed over and helped him up, although by then, he was conscious but totally bewildered to find himself on the floor, with a painful head.
At the same time, the Angel turned to look, in a state of shock and confusion. She remained stoically rooted in her seat and ‘carried on eating’ her bread.
While holding the alternative dad, I kept asking if the Angel was all right. She turned back once in a while, the look on her face was one of stupefaction.
As I explained to the alternative dad what had happened while assessing the impact of his fall (bruised head, scrapped knee - all caused by abrasion and impact, and a little twist on his glasses), my worry for the Angel grew, too.
She looked totally out of the ordinary. Under normal circumstances, she is a loving and concerned girl and should we bump ourselves for instance, she would come and give a big hug or kiss our bruised spot. That morning, she had a look which I could not decipher.
After the alternative dad was inspected not to be suffering from any serious bruises, the Angel suddenly stood up and gave the box, which was actually a ‘bed’ for her soft toys (the flattened, red M&S box), a few angry kicks as she cried louldy in grief. Her cries were that of anguish and immense sadness.
That afternoon, while chatting in bed before her naptime, I asked her what she was feeling when the alternative dad fainted. She did not answer my question but asked if her dad was all right already. Then, she told me (in a quiet manner) that she needed to eat her bread then. I did not want to pursue what she did not want to reveal but left it at that.
That night, both the alternative dad and I were discussing about her reactions. We knew that she was scared when the fall occurred but most importantly, I was enlightened that she was totally upset because she thought that her dad’s fall was caused by her box, hence the angry kicks.
Yesterday, while we were talking about the alternative dad, she again asked if the alternative dad was all right. Then, she told me that she was shocked and felt sad when the incident happened. That explained her cries and kicks.
I guess it must have been traumatising for the Angel to witness and, maybe at some point, felt that it was her toy which had caused the fall (? - although it wasn’t at all). I understand now how children can feel ‘guilty’ for something that happen to adults which they might even perceive to be their ‘fault’.
Both the Angel and I fell ill after our spring weekends. For the past two weeks, we have been sleeping lots. We have both been having runny nose and suffering from fatigue. The Angel has a perpetually rash round her eyes.
First, we thought we were suffering from flu. The symptons were similar, runny nose, body ache, watery eyes, headache but we did not have any fever at all. After the first week, I thought it had gone away. But instead of ‘recovering’, I find myself in need of sleep all the time while the symptons persist.
A friend saw both the Angel and me and immediately, she diagnosed us as having hayfever - an allergy to pollen! I have heard about it since moving to UK but having not had it before, and didn’t know that it’d hit me in this way! Doctors have warned before that chances of the Angel suffering from hayfever is high due to her to eczema and multiple-food allergies.
The alternative dad said that I’ve now assimilated into the Brits’ way of life as hayfever usually affect people who are not used to hot weather because where I come from, I embrace the heat! No! No! I don’t need this!
So here I am, suffering from intense fatigue, blocked ENT, sore eyes and stuck indoors! Another problem is, my brain is pretty stuck, too! I pray for the rain to come soon and ease it all away, hopefully.
Spring began on 20 March with a blizzard and wintry conditions. Recently, the weather has begun to turn hot (still windy) and now, finally, the rain is coming (not enough). I am getting a bit worried about the lack of rain this spring.
Spring weekends mean we get busy, attend fairs and enjoy caravaning. We have an 80s caravan (Betsy - her original name), somewhat archaic but in excellent condition. We bought it at almost a steal from the lady who parted with it because she loved the Angel. If I have my way (and time and resources and expertise), I’d like to turn it into something retro or flower-power of sort. Funky pink or sunny yellow with lots of flowers. Brighten up the boring, boring, boring look that almost all caravans look.
Caravaning can be fun when the weather is tolerable because it can get very cold at night. Well, as Betsy is somewhat 80s, she has all that 80s feature, heating isn’t fantastic and size is compromised. I have been into caravans which I feel is a complete luxury compared to our humble one. Nonetheless, I’m still glad we have a mobile home that we can move around in. We once toured Scotland for a month in Betsy and apart for some wet weather, we were blessed with a lot of fun!
Caravaning can be thoroughly enjoyable if we have friends who do the same. Unfortunately, we do not know anyone who does it and from our observation, we are about the youngest caravaning family. Most are retirees who park their theirs at caravan parks dotted all over UK or even those who tow theirs are of a considerable age. I thought it should be a ‘young people’s’ kind of fun because much strength is required to push the caravan, which the alternative dad has loads of (phew!) or like he said, skill (which we have yet to acquire - tricky to reverse with a caravan in tow).
We cook, eat and sleep in Betsy. The space is pretty small, easily walked from ‘bedroom’ to kitchen to dining room in less than ten steps! A ‘problem’ with Betsy is she doesn’t come with a toilet (actually it does but it is now a storeroom) and it has a portal chemical toilet bowl that we do not use (both of us do not want to do the dirty job!). Now, the requirement of a toilet is very important now because the Angel is completely toilet-trained and at night, she wakes up to pee. For the past two weekends while we were in the caravans, I put her back in her diapers at night because we could not work out the toilet going part (too cold, too far, too troublesome)! That God she is flexible with the idea and continues to keep up with her dry nights when back home.
For the past two weekends, we were at the British Raptor Show and the Pickering Game and Country Fair. The best thing about having a caravan and attending show is we get to stay onsite. We have the whole outdoor as our ‘playground‘ ‘learnground’. The Angel gets to be exposed to lots - the latest two fairs were on falconry - she saw different kinds of owls, is not a fan of ferrets and saw live poultry for sale. There were also demonstration of traditional crafts such as weaving and wood craving. And of course, not forgetting the horses - they are her favourites and lots of dogs.
I know I will miss part of this when it is all gone. Anyway, for now, being in the cold has taken its toll on both the Angel and me. She came back with a cold and developed into full blown flu while I might have caught the virus from her. We have been sleeping so much for the past few days but we are definitely on the road to recovery! I must be since I’m back blogging!
Both the Angel and I fell ill after our spring weekends. For the past two weeks, we have been sleeping lots. We have both been having runny nose and suffering from fatigue. The Angel has a perpetually rash round her eyes. 
Spring weekends mean we get busy, attend fairs and enjoy caravaning. We have an 80s caravan (Betsy - her original name), somewhat archaic but in excellent condition. We bought it at almost a steal from the lady who parted with it because she loved the Angel. If I have my way (and time and resources and expertise), I’d like to turn it into something retro or flower-power of sort. Funky pink or sunny yellow with lots of flowers. Brighten up the boring, boring, boring look that almost all caravans look.
Caravaning can be fun when the weather is tolerable because it can get very cold at night. Well, as Betsy is somewhat 80s, she has all that 80s feature, heating isn’t fantastic and size is compromised. I have been into caravans which I feel is a complete luxury compared to our humble one. Nonetheless, I’m still glad we have a mobile home that we can move around in. We once toured Scotland for a month in Betsy and apart for some wet weather, we were blessed with a lot of fun!
We cook, eat and sleep in Betsy. The space is pretty small, easily walked from ‘bedroom’ to kitchen to dining room in less than ten steps! A ‘problem’ with Betsy is she doesn’t come with a toilet (actually it does but it is now a storeroom) and it has a portal chemical toilet bowl that we do not use (both of us do not want to do the dirty job!). Now, the requirement of a toilet is very important now because the Angel is completely toilet-trained and at night, she wakes up to pee. For the past two weekends while we were in the caravans, I put her back in her diapers at night because we could not work out the toilet going part (too cold, too far, too troublesome)! That God she is flexible with the idea and continues to keep up with her dry nights when back home.
For the past two weekends, we were at the British Raptor Show and the Pickering Game and Country Fair. The best thing about having a caravan and attending show is we get to stay onsite. We have the whole outdoor as our ‘
