Comments on: Being Gracious - Start Young http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:05:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: Big Pumpkin http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-171 Big Pumpkin Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:24:36 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-171 Beautifully written and thank you for the gracious reminder to all, and for sharing that there are less than gracious people too at your end of the world. Here, it seems that everywhere you turn, people just don't care. It is the Malaysian way of life. I generalise but still. How many people don't conserve water in a hotel just because they are paying for it? How many people know how to complain, bitch, moan, rant....but are not willing to make a difference? How many people won't contribute until the same problem happens closer to home? I could go on.... You hit the nail that we, as adults, need to set good examples for our little ones. As they only learn from us. If we don't work hard towards setting a precedence, imagine the future from where we already are! In a world where apathy is growing and more and more people out there hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally; we need to rise above it all, smile and be gracious. I look at it as my personal challenge and an eventual judgement from God. For only He is allowed to judge me. <strong>Hello Big Pumpkin, nice to hear your thoughts! I do think that people are generally more gracious here and are more conscious of their actions and environment. I have accepted more invitations from drivers to let me pass when I need to switch lane in just three years, as compared to driving in Singapore for almost eight years. When you get high beamed here, it means "please, you may go first", NOT "get lost"! There was no malice involved with those people I encountered at the fair and after working things out and walking out (from that stingy situation), it was all over. I do have to agree with you that it is true, many of our Asian counterparts seem to prefer complaining more than making a difference and when a difference can be made, sometimes, they are equally unperturbed or just full of apathy, or worse, ungraciously claiming credits as theirs. Such ungracious behaviour sometimes turns me off from our culture and challenges me to rise up above such behaviour. Like you have said, smile and be gracious. = )</strong> Beautifully written and thank you for the gracious reminder to all, and for sharing that there are less than gracious people too at your end of the world.

Here, it seems that everywhere you turn, people just don’t care. It is the Malaysian way of life. I generalise but still. How many people don’t conserve water in a hotel just because they are paying for it? How many people know how to complain, bitch, moan, rant….but are not willing to make a difference? How many people won’t contribute until the same problem happens closer to home? I could go on….

You hit the nail that we, as adults, need to set good examples for our little ones. As they only learn from us. If we don’t work hard towards setting a precedence, imagine the future from where we already are!

In a world where apathy is growing and more and more people out there hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally; we need to rise above it all, smile and be gracious. I look at it as my personal challenge and an eventual judgement from God.

For only He is allowed to judge me.

Hello Big Pumpkin, nice to hear your thoughts!

I do think that people are generally more gracious here and are more conscious of their actions and environment. I have accepted more invitations from drivers to let me pass when I need to switch lane in just three years, as compared to driving in Singapore for almost eight years. When you get high beamed here, it means “please, you may go first”, NOT “get lost”!

There was no malice involved with those people I encountered at the fair and after working things out and walking out (from that stingy situation), it was all over.

I do have to agree with you that it is true, many of our Asian counterparts seem to prefer complaining more than making a difference and when a difference can be made, sometimes, they are equally unperturbed or just full of apathy, or worse, ungraciously claiming credits as theirs. Such ungracious behaviour sometimes turns me off from our culture and challenges me to rise up above such behaviour. Like you have said, smile and be gracious. = )

]]> By: jazzmint http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-172 jazzmint Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:43:06 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-172 i totally agree with u, being gracious starts fom the adults...cause kids learn frm us <strong>Hi Jazzmint, yes, kids really learn from us, don't they? They also learn from other kids and those others kids also learn from other kids and adults. Well, if everyone just get the concept right, kids or adults alike, the world will be full of gracious people! How nice that'd be!</strong> i totally agree with u, being gracious starts fom the adults…cause kids learn frm us

Hi Jazzmint, yes, kids really learn from us, don’t they? They also learn from other kids and those others kids also learn from other kids and adults. Well, if everyone just get the concept right, kids or adults alike, the world will be full of gracious people! How nice that’d be!

]]> By: Mike http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-173 Mike Fri, 20 Jul 2007 20:44:11 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-173 Very informative. So sorry about your experience at the fair. Mike <a href="http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/" rel="nofollow">http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/ </a> <strong>Hi Mike, nice to hear from you. It was a good experience and nothing too traumatising. =) It did come out good as it makes me think about life and people!</strong> Very informative. So sorry about your experience at the fair.

Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

Hi Mike, nice to hear from you. It was a good experience and nothing too traumatising. =) It did come out good as it makes me think about life and people!

]]> By: The New Parent http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-174 The New Parent Sat, 21 Jul 2007 11:36:14 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-174 Hi AM--such a god post. I think the difficulty with being gracious is that many cultures have no real support for it. There would need to be a foundation of grace and most cultures are not all that graceful--refined movement (kind words, thoughtful responses, etc.) and simple elegance (not quick to judge or demean) that leads to courteous goodwill. Most humans are rough and "primitive" and are only gracious if they feel there's something in it for them---quid pro quo. People do care, but mostly about how they can get something, not about how they can give more and help their neighbor. Interestingly, if we teach our little ones to have grace, most other children will not know how to respond. With all that, I still think we must teach our little ones to be graceful--it has to start somewhere and sometime. The more children we send out into this world with a foundation that includes grace, the more we may be able to alter things. Maybe? <strong> Hi New Parent, thanks for your interesting thoughts. When I was talking about human and grace to the alternative dad, he said the same thing, that humans are not naturally graceful, it is a learnt behaviour. I do agree with you on the 'primitive' human and when you mention "quid pro quo", it really reminds me of what one of my lecturers said about altruism - "throw it out of the window". It's interesting, too, how you note that "if we teach our little ones to have grace, most other children will not know how to respond". In fact, I have another observation, most adults let children get away with being ungracious and accept it as part of childhood. I prefer to think that once we let them get used to living without grace, it will probably take a lot more to learn to be gracious. If the theory of evolution holds, then maybe, "the more children we send out into this world with a foundation that includes grace, the more we may be able to alter things." Maybe....</strong> Hi AM–such a god post.

I think the difficulty with being gracious is that many cultures have no real support for it. There would need to be a foundation of grace and most cultures are not all that graceful–refined movement (kind words, thoughtful responses, etc.) and simple elegance (not quick to judge or demean) that leads to courteous goodwill.

Most humans are rough and “primitive” and are only gracious if they feel there’s something in it for them—quid pro quo. People do care, but mostly about how they can get something, not about how they can give more and help their neighbor.

Interestingly, if we teach our little ones to have grace, most other children will not know how to respond.

With all that, I still think we must teach our little ones to be graceful–it has to start somewhere and sometime. The more children we send out into this world with a foundation that includes grace, the more we may be able to alter things. Maybe?

Hi New Parent, thanks for your interesting thoughts.

When I was talking about human and grace to the alternative dad, he said the same thing, that humans are not naturally graceful, it is a learnt behaviour. I do agree with you on the ‘primitive’ human and when you mention “quid pro quo”, it really reminds me of what one of my lecturers said about altruism - “throw it out of the window”.

It’s interesting, too, how you note that “if we teach our little ones to have grace, most other children will not know how to respond”. In fact, I have another observation, most adults let children get away with being ungracious and accept it as part of childhood. I prefer to think that once we let them get used to living without grace, it will probably take a lot more to learn to be gracious.

If the theory of evolution holds, then maybe, “the more children we send out into this world with a foundation that includes grace, the more we may be able to alter things.” Maybe….

]]> By: mamamichelle http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-175 mamamichelle Sun, 22 Jul 2007 02:17:04 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-175 Hi! Sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience. Coincidentally, these few days, I have been struggling with this issue of being "gracious" as well. How far do you go? When I treat a person nicely, with gracious-ness and generosity, I do not expect them to "kow-tau" to me, but expect them to appreciate the effort that I have made. However, with my experience so far, they eventually take things for granted, and get greedier and expect more. Sometimes, I even feel like I have taken advantage of! Where do you draw the line? However, I will continue to be gracious, and teach my boy to be gracious. too. <strong>Hi Mamamichelle, it's nice to hear from you! Thanks for dropping by! If being gracious is defined as "being pleasant, kind and courteous in that generosity of spirit which it all lies", than you are right to say that there are times when people try to take advatange of our graciousness. I, too, have personally experienced that and over time, I have learnt that it'd be best to walk out of a situation in which we will be challenged in our graciousness. I am able to be gracious, for example, to keep giving to a point where I feel that by continuing to give, I will lose my graciousness, I'd back off. Given the example above of the needy mother who was asking for baby stuff donations, I would give without judging (other donors wanted to know how she could be needy if she could have a car to pick up the stuff, or whether the needy mother was indeed poorer or richer than the donor themselves) - gracious giving. However, if the needy mother got to the point of demanding or revealed to be just a 'fake needy', I would back off gracefully. Whatever was given before in graciousness would remain so. That will be where I will draw the line - the point where I know in giving, I cannot be generous anymore, where I will lose my graciousness and develop pernicious thoughts about the whole situation - ".... learn to walk out of such situations gracefully and not to be yielded into such situations...." I think it's a nice thought to "continue to be gracious, and teach my boy to be gracious, too." Good one! =) </strong> Hi!
Sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience. Coincidentally, these few days, I have been struggling with this issue of being “gracious” as well. How far do you go? When I treat a person nicely, with gracious-ness and generosity, I do not expect them to “kow-tau” to me, but expect them to appreciate the effort that I have made. However, with my experience so far, they eventually take things for granted, and get greedier and expect more. Sometimes, I even feel like I have taken advantage of! Where do you draw the line?

However, I will continue to be gracious, and teach my boy to be gracious. too.

Hi Mamamichelle, it’s nice to hear from you! Thanks for dropping by!

If being gracious is defined as “being pleasant, kind and courteous in that generosity of spirit which it all lies”, than you are right to say that there are times when people try to take advatange of our graciousness. I, too, have personally experienced that and over time, I have learnt that it’d be best to walk out of a situation in which we will be challenged in our graciousness. I am able to be gracious, for example, to keep giving to a point where I feel that by continuing to give, I will lose my graciousness, I’d back off.

Given the example above of the needy mother who was asking for baby stuff donations, I would give without judging (other donors wanted to know how she could be needy if she could have a car to pick up the stuff, or whether the needy mother was indeed poorer or richer than the donor themselves) - gracious giving. However, if the needy mother got to the point of demanding or revealed to be just a ‘fake needy’, I would back off gracefully. Whatever was given before in graciousness would remain so.

That will be where I will draw the line - the point where I know in giving, I cannot be generous anymore, where I will lose my graciousness and develop pernicious thoughts about the whole situation - “…. learn to walk out of such situations gracefully and not to be yielded into such situations….”

I think it’s a nice thought to “continue to be gracious, and teach my boy to be gracious, too.” Good one! =)

]]> By: may http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-176 may Sun, 22 Jul 2007 12:20:03 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-176 Really well written about graciousness. I totally agree with you.To me, graciousness comes with tolerance or the other way round. Just to share, i was travelling with 5 othersfor 30 days during an expediton in 2005 and its amazing how much tolerance is needed to put up with each individual's idiosyncracies. I never knew men can be so whiny but boy were they. There were complains and remarks made about people around us (ie the locals) and how the people worked etc. I was thinking at that time, we are in another country and shouldn't we be more flexible and just adapt to the situation or place? Of course for issues within reason. There is nothing we can do to change the locals or the local system but just bear with it, with patience. Patience, graciousness, kindness, empathy... and the list goes on. This statement in the article is something i totally believe and have been teaching my students, "if our schools produce a top student with many "As" but who lacks humility and apathy for his fellow students, then the schools would have failed in their role as an educator as they have failed in building up the students." I had a class of brainys last year and boy were they arrogant. I always tell them that if all they care about is results and how well they have done compared to another schoolmate, then i have failed as a teacher. I suppose we are the few "weird" educators who believe that education is not about academic results or ranking but its about the kind of adults they become and the values that they will have later on. My time in nz has been a great one as it is time well spent and not lost as the experiences i have gained from people's kindness and generosity is amazing. I will be sharing these with people i meet, though sometimes being caught in singapore's rat race, i forget and have to stop myself and regroup. When i do return to the education service, it will be with "new eyes" and just hope that i will not get caught in the race and lose myself. <strong>Hi May, thanks for immortalising your thoughts here! =) I, too, believe that education is not only about academic excellence and ranking but goes beyond that. Let's bring our graciousness on to the classroom! When you mentioned "the experiences i have gained from people's kindness and generosity is amazing. I will be sharing these with people i meet ... " it really reminds me of the phrase, passing it forward. Yes, I think that is the best way constantly remind oursevles to keep that graciousness. Thanks for reminding!</strong> Really well written about graciousness. I totally agree with you.To me, graciousness comes with tolerance or the other way round. Just to share, i was travelling with 5 othersfor 30 days during an expediton in 2005 and its amazing how much tolerance is needed to put up with each individual’s idiosyncracies. I never knew men can be so whiny but boy were they. There were complains and remarks made about people around us (ie the locals) and how the people worked etc. I was thinking at that time, we are in another country and shouldn’t we be more flexible and just adapt to the situation or place? Of course for issues within reason. There is nothing we can do to change the locals or the local system but just bear with it, with patience.

Patience, graciousness, kindness, empathy… and the list goes on.
This statement in the article is something i totally believe and have
been teaching my students, “if our schools produce a top student with many “As” but who lacks humility and apathy for his fellow students, then the schools would have failed in their role as an educator as they have failed in building up the students.”

I had a class of brainys last year and boy were they arrogant. I
always tell them that if all they care about is results and how well
they have done compared to another schoolmate, then i have failed as a teacher. I suppose we are the few “weird” educators who believe that education is not about academic results or ranking but its about the kind of adults they become and the values that they will have later on.

My time in nz has been a great one as it is time well spent and not
lost as the experiences i have gained from people’s kindness and
generosity is amazing. I will be sharing these with people i meet,
though sometimes being caught in singapore’s rat race, i forget and
have to stop myself and regroup. When i do return to the education
service, it will be with “new eyes” and just hope that i will not get
caught in the race and lose myself.

Hi May, thanks for immortalising your thoughts here! =)

I, too, believe that education is not only about academic excellence and ranking but goes beyond that. Let’s bring our graciousness on to the classroom!

When you mentioned “the experiences i have gained from people’s kindness and generosity is amazing. I will be sharing these with people i meet … ” it really reminds me of the phrase, passing it forward. Yes, I think that is the best way constantly remind oursevles to keep that graciousness. Thanks for reminding!

]]> By: The New Parent: Raising Excellent Kids in an Insane World : A Parent’s List of Standards? http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-177 The New Parent: Raising Excellent Kids in an Insane World : A Parent’s List of Standards? Sun, 22 Jul 2007 20:48:08 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-177 [...] Parent’s List of Standards? Alternative Mom has a very interesting and heartfelt post up called “Being Gracious--start young.” I’m a big fan of the Alternative Mom’s blog and wanted to dovetail her thoughts into something [...] […] Parent’s List of Standards? Alternative Mom has a very interesting and heartfelt post up called “Being Gracious–start young.” I’m a big fan of the Alternative Mom’s blog and wanted to dovetail her thoughts into something […]

]]> By: Leah http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-178 Leah Mon, 23 Jul 2007 00:53:47 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-178 Thx for bringing it up and make me thinking, I have recently struggled so much to stay gracious with my in laws who I deemed ungracious and lack of empathy. Since I work with children, I realised how important it's to stay gracious with my words and deeds, not just in school, but in my personal life, so that it's more of a overflow of my life instead of "do what i say but don't do what i do" <strong>Hi Lea, thanks for dropping by! Yeah, it can be really challenging when dealing with people who are 'ungracious' and still maintaining our graciousness. I prefer to keep away as far as possible from such imopssibly gracious situations in order to maintain my grace but I know how difficult it can be sometimes. Indeed, walking the talk sometimes just isn't as easy! Thanks fro bringing it up!</strong> Thx for bringing it up and make me thinking, I have recently struggled so much to stay gracious with my in laws who I deemed ungracious and lack of empathy.
Since I work with children, I realised how important it’s to stay gracious with my words and deeds, not just in school, but in my personal life, so that it’s more of a overflow of my life instead of “do what i say but don’t do what i do”

Hi Lea, thanks for dropping by! Yeah, it can be really challenging when dealing with people who are ‘ungracious’ and still maintaining our graciousness. I prefer to keep away as far as possible from such imopssibly gracious situations in order to maintain my grace but I know how difficult it can be sometimes. Indeed, walking the talk sometimes just isn’t as easy! Thanks fro bringing it up!

]]> By: winny http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-181 winny Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:56:24 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-181 Mrs chew, wat ur msn??? lol.. i NEVER see u online on Msn before... add me! animedoc_cancer92@hotnail.com thanksthanks <strong>Hi Winny, added!!</strong> Mrs chew,
wat ur msn???
lol.. i NEVER see u online on Msn before…
add me!
animedoc_cancer92@hotnail.com
thanksthanks

Hi Winny, added!!

]]> By: mom of cairo http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-182 mom of cairo Sat, 28 Jul 2007 04:20:34 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-182 personally, i feel that our eastern culture has evolved from cavemen's "meat, me eat all" to "oh, i have some extra, let's share" but will never reach the extent of "here, you take it all cos you need it more than i do, i'll think of a way to settle my dinner". aren't we all conditioned for self-preservation first? how much giving and self sacrifising is adequate for graciousness and how much more before we feel that we're being taken advantage of? the tertiaty education example you gave is darn good. i found of from my intern that out of the 100+ students who just graduated recently, only 2 was awarded 1st class honours. how do i teach my girl to share her notes etc with fellow classmates when it would mean less chance for her? <strong>Hi Mom of Cairo, thanks for your insights! Yeah, I think in a society where we can afford to have more for ourelves, we can begin to share but you are right, self-preservation is a natural instinct, it takes a conscious effort to 'fight' it and it proably isn't natural, anyway! I guess self-sacrific and graciousness combined and being taken advantage of situations are tricky to define. Personally for me, at the end of the day, I prefer to be gracious to a point where I can be and back off when I have enough and not end up bad mouthing the other as having myself said as being taken advantaged off. Then again, it is hard to decide when and how and why. Your statistic is interesting indeed! Can you ask your intern if the 2 first class honours 'quota' is maintained yearly? I'm interested to know that! I'd teach my daughter to share notes because life is about sharing and if she doesn't get her honour, well, I guess it is because she simply did not perform better than others who have the same material. The journey is more important than the destination, I want her to understand sharing as a part of life and personal achievements as separate. I may be wrong but I guess that is what it'd be my thinking for now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts</strong>! personally, i feel that our eastern culture has evolved from cavemen’s “meat, me eat all” to “oh, i have some extra, let’s share” but will never reach the extent of “here, you take it all cos you need it more than i do, i’ll think of a way to settle my dinner”.

aren’t we all conditioned for self-preservation first? how much giving and self sacrifising is adequate for graciousness and how much more before we feel that we’re being taken advantage of?

the tertiaty education example you gave is darn good. i found of from my intern that out of the 100+ students who just graduated recently, only 2 was awarded 1st class honours. how do i teach my girl to share her notes etc with fellow classmates when it would mean less chance for her?

Hi Mom of Cairo, thanks for your insights! Yeah, I think in a society where we can afford to have more for ourelves, we can begin to share but you are right, self-preservation is a natural instinct, it takes a conscious effort to ‘fight’ it and it proably isn’t natural, anyway!

I guess self-sacrific and graciousness combined and being taken advantage of situations are tricky to define. Personally for me, at the end of the day, I prefer to be gracious to a point where I can be and back off when I have enough and not end up bad mouthing the other as having myself said as being taken advantaged off. Then again, it is hard to decide when and how and why.

Your statistic is interesting indeed! Can you ask your intern if the 2 first class honours ‘quota’ is maintained yearly? I’m interested to know that!

I’d teach my daughter to share notes because life is about sharing and if she doesn’t get her honour, well, I guess it is because she simply did not perform better than others who have the same material. The journey is more important than the destination, I want her to understand sharing as a part of life and personal achievements as separate. I may be wrong but I guess that is what it’d be my thinking for now.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

]]> By: may http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-183 may Sun, 29 Jul 2007 15:05:41 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-183 Mom of Cairo....interesting about the 1st class honours statistics. Couple years back, the best class (basically where all the most academically inclined students are) in the school i was teaching in had students who were not willing to share notes with their classmates for fear of their peers doing better than them in tests and exams. There were also cases of notes "disappearing" from their desks or not sharing information passed on by their teachers. It was bizarre and very disappointing because that's what having the desire to excel academically has done to our youth. I shudder when i think about the kind of adults these people will grow up to be and the values they will uphold. <strong>Hi May, good to hear from you again! = ) The class you have taught before sounds pretty competitive! I, too, shudder to think what will become of them. What then do you think can possibly make them see the need to share?</strong> Mom of Cairo….interesting about the 1st class honours statistics. Couple years back, the best class (basically where all the most academically inclined students are) in the school i was teaching in had students who were not willing to share notes with their classmates for fear of their peers doing better than them in tests and exams. There were also cases of notes “disappearing” from their desks or not sharing information passed on by their teachers. It was bizarre and very disappointing because that’s what having the desire to excel academically has done to our youth.

I shudder when i think about the kind of adults these people will grow up to be and the values they will uphold.

Hi May, good to hear from you again! = ) The class you have taught before sounds pretty competitive! I, too, shudder to think what will become of them. What then do you think can possibly make them see the need to share?

]]> By: winny http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-184 winny Mon, 30 Jul 2007 10:15:52 +0000 http://alternative-mom.com/being-gracious-start-young/#comment-184 Sorry.. the msn is something wrong.. Juz ignore watever i type.. dun go to tat website... dun wan later the virus spread ti ur comp thanxx for adding XD <strong>Hi Winny, never mind, almost hardly on MSN!!!!</strong> Sorry..
the msn is something wrong..
Juz ignore watever i type..
dun go to tat website…
dun wan later the virus spread ti ur comp
thanxx for adding XD

Hi Winny, never mind, almost hardly on MSN!!!!

]]>