I have been tagged by my cyber-parenting-pal, The New Parent, to reveal eight random facts about myself.

Here goes :

1) When I was young, I used to spend my weekends at my aunt’s place. Nothing sad about the place - my best cousins, my best aunt and uncle and my brother around. But each time I stayed over night, I’d cry my heart out on the phone with my mom and very often, ended up vomitting from too much crying. When I was thirteen, my mom had to go to work. I cried for a month. That period of time changed my perspective of life. I’m shameless about crying. It expresses all my emotions - anger, frustrations, grief, incompetence, helplessness ….

2) I am trusting and I can give up my last ounce of energy, my last cent if you so tell me you need it. I have done it countless times but when I so deperately needed help, those whom I have put in my most feigned ignorance or gave out of convenience. Life has taught me it is worth keeping something for yourself but frankly, I prefer giving my all. It is not worth living if I’m not a whole but I can live with the lesson.

3) When I was picked off the street by the alternative dad, I had dreadlocks. The night before my wedding, I was at Far East Plaza, trying to find a hairdresser who would charge me reasonably for dreadlocks. I gave up at their outrageous pricing. I was browsing in one of the shops, trying my luck at alternative means when I found a ’stranger’ (teenager) who accepted my offer. At 12am the night before my wedding, I found myself at her house having my dreads done. This is but just one of those many incidents in my life that happen to me where I ‘chance upon’ something, someone, some events - they are all blessings which I never thought will happen. I can’t tell you how many times they have happened to me before.

4) I love driving and I drive any make, any type. I drove horribly when I first passed, honed that skill everyday and got the knack of it. Acquired a fondness for long distance driving while in Australia for seven months during my extended honeymoon. Floored the accelerator and drove our not-so-good-looking but definitely best car (for speed) ever to the outback at 180km (that was the maximum on the speedometer). Fell in love with a dream car which became our wedding car. Few months before I gave birth to the Angel, we had to give Jude (her name) up. I sent it to the scrapyard and I cried (remember, I’m (1). Now, I don’t put any sentimental value on the cars we own.

5) I used to travel to find my identity (I tend to lose it once in a while), discover more about myself (strengths, weaknesses, faults and all). Nowadays, being a mother is an identity I have come to terms with and it also means my beauty and flaws are constantly being illuminated by the little person with me; all I need is a daily reflection. As for travelling, I’d prefer to find a place called haven, spend time knowing the local language, local people, local area, taking local transport, tasting local food. I can’t wait till the Angel can do all that with me! And if I’m going on a holiday, then, please, please, just spare me from the cooking. I mean it, but I’m really tired of planning meals for three years.

6) I was in the choir in primary school. When the Angel was young, I would sing all the songs I know and after each song, she would clap really eagerly - as if I was the best singer in the world. Once, while driving through the Netherlands, I was trying to sing to keep the Angel entertained. The alternative dad had to stop me from my singing. In the darkness of the night, I cried (remember, I’m (1). You see, I’m tone deaf. But I never stop singing to the Angel. I still make up all sorts of songs for her, with her. She reminds my greatest fan.

7) I’m trying desperately to get organised and of course, training the Angel to be, too. The alternative dad is going to hire a helper to pick up after us if we are still not up to it. This book I’m reading hasn’t changed my life.

8 ) I often ask God for 48 hours; 24 to fulfill my responsibilities and maybe if I have that extra 24, (7) won’t have happened. Actually, I’m just trying to do too much in my lifetime!

It’s an enjoyable tag and allows others to know more about me and me to know about other fellow bloggers, too!

Here’s for tagging 8 others :

1) Mel at Perspective of Life at a Different Pasture

2) Michelle at Life at Home as a Mom

3) Irene at Bits and Pieces

4) Priscilla at Moments in A Day

5) Big Pumpkin at A Mother’s Monologue

6) Jazzmint at Jutz 1 Blog

7) Shirley (Binky) at Binky, Blogging and Such

8 ) Dory at Dory’s Journal

Here are the rules, ladies :

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts. (Opps, I didn’t!!)
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Categories: Tag
11 Comments »

I spent the last week reflecting on Fathers’ Day . We decided that the alternative dad deserved to be treated to a good set of tools which he so desperately needed for all his DIY jobs. We had a nice evening of roast duck with our beloved friend, C, and had such a lot of laughter talking about the upcoming events in our lives.

What are fathers made of?

As a daughter, some skills and advice that my father has given me just sink deep in.

I love books from young and I remember once, my father told me, “You can read all books but there is no point reading books that are not worth reading. Just spend time on useful ones.” I usually am stawlart about the books I start on, but my father’s advice has a profound impact (although I used it much more later on in life).

I can still remember it was my father who introduced me to the Chinese ‘hanyu pinyin’ (phonics). The way he said it still rings in my ears now. I cannot remember if he taught me everything or the rest were learnt in school, but I like to believe and still think that it was him who taught me all of them and I remain grounded in them.

Recently, my parents came for a visit. After not seeing one another for so long, we had a lot of catching up to do, chatting about relatives. My father said a very wise sentence, “It’s not important what people do to us, as long as we remain close as a family and give one another support, that is what counts.” Sometimes, he reveals his thoughts in unexpected circumstances.

In many ways, my own father and the alternative dad are similar.

As a daughter, I sometimes do warm up to my father easier, given his more logical, less lengthy explanations.

As a mother, I enjoy the idiosyncrasies the alternative dad exposes the Angel to.

The way he teaches the Angel to handle his tools and learns how to take out nuts and bolts and what nots! The way he teaches her to sing (usually not the correct version!). How he almost never says no to her and where I know the question of ‘who’s the boss’ applies alot to him. His more detached, more logical deductions, practical lessons such as ’soft landing’, falling with the head up ….

As an individual, a father presents a different set of persepctives to a child. As a daughter and a mother, I value that difference and sometimes, it is worth learning the taciturn, concise, analytical and logical thought that both of them have taught me to explore.

Inspired by this post, I shall leave with the Angel’s words which I know will never fail to bring a smile over the course of the alternative dad’s day.

As I used to say with Valentine’s Day, now Fathers’ Day. To all fathers, everyday is a Fathers’ Day!

Categories: Where We Live
11 Comments »

So, this is the second part of our collaborative effort!

The first part of this two-part post is on The New Parent’s blog. There we introduced the idea of, “why not start to teach reading at an early age?” Here we discuss some thoughts on how.

Let us know what you think!

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Knowing that the Angel is ready but wondering if it’s too young to introduce reading, the alternative dad feels that introducing words may cause confusion. Furthermore, he is unsure if my personal observation of her readiness is indeed her readiness to read or if she’s merely interested in words. So will understanding words at such an age cause a child more confusion?

I asked the same questions, AM, but thought that her capacity to learn to read would broaden her language acquisition, and help her grasp concepts more readily. I started with single and two letter words, each written out large on an individual piece of poster board. I had studied many different approaches (including Glenn Doman’s), and brought aspects of each together. Short periods of learning (maybe 20-30 seconds), large type, repeated a few times during the day.

Well, TNP, recently, I’ve been spending time teaching a friend’s son, who is learning English as a second language (ESL). I go along with his school curriculum which uses phonics to teach reading. I am so impressed with the way that he can read words (even though he is unable to understand them) because of phonics. I’m swayed toward using phonics to teach the Angel. In fact, the Angel has picked up all her letters and phonics through three means - Touch & Discover Alphabet Town, Fridge Phonics Magnetic Letter Play Set - LeapFrog Interactive and Starfall website (self-navigation). It’s funny how I have come to acquire the two toys (not with the intention of teaching letters or phonics or at least thinking they would only come to such use later on).

Anyway, her exposure to all those have all contributed to her learning all the letters and sounds (I was surprised to discover it myself one day), when she pointed them out to me herself and sounded them out. But we have fossilized at that stage, because of my holding back to teach her reading. At the same time, because I have been spending a lot of time teaching and making resources for my friend’s son, the Angel has been picking up all our phonics. Is phonics the way to teach reading?

(laugh) I also went through the same thinking process as AM! What I ended up with was a combination of sight reading and phonics. I started to understand that each method has its strengths. Sight reading seems to be a powerful way to jump-start reading—if done calmly, without tension. Kids can access sight words quickly (as they are pronounced for the child) and this seems to give them “confidence.” Once my little one was sight reading and reading simple books, I began to integrate phonics into her learning. The two done in the right sequence can really get them reading!

Categories: Homeschooling
14 Comments »

The Angel woke up this morning, happily, as usual, and our morning ritual began. In the toilet, she was grabbing her left sleeve and holding it down with her fingers.

“Look, mom! Chopped fingers! And I can just rub! ” she exclaimed excitedly while rubbing her legs.

I listened and stared, wide-eyed and exclaimed equally excited, “Yes! Yes! Just rub!”

She then went on to do the same to both hands and told me, again, “Look! Just rub! Rub!”

I requested for her to wait for me while I rushed for the camera. How can I not capture this moment down?

Three nights ago, I was a broken and defeated mother. I had a ‘fight’ with the Angel, I stormed out of the room and needed a mental break from our usual (almost three years) sleeping pattern - reading before bed (enjoyable), talking about anything (enjoyable), then nightmare begins - habitual scratching, broken, bloody, skin, crying, helping her to rub, encouraging, coaxing, angry feelings, broken sleep, same vicious cycle in the middle of the night - not all in the same order, sometimes sleep come easy, but the cycle never fails to return, either at bedtime or middle of the night. It can last between an hour to two to three. My neighbours know what kind of family we are. My heart went out to them but I was equally at my wits’ end.

My friend has been encouraging me to seek help about the Angel’s sleeping habit that is making my motherhood a misery and I had written the following entry in my draft some time ago:

“Probably three months ago, I was still complaining about the number of days I get to sleep in in almost three years (less than ten!!!). Nowadays, the Angel wakes up far later than me (if we have no planned programme, between 9-ish to 11ish sometimes)!

This has never changed before though. It has always been like this. The Angel has almost never slept through except three really gorgeous weeks after a holiday in Rome. We ruined it all by going back to Singapore for a month and since then, I have never had a good time with sleep, before or after, only that three weeks.”

So, my misery was not only interrupted sleep - hers and mine, but it is that ritual of going to sleep that is potentially scary. We call it habitual scratching.

The Angel, as you know, has eczema. The eczema is actually kept at bay (except during flares and allergies) but compounded during sleep, boredom, tiredness or undress. In such situations, her intuition is to scratch. Scratching leads to a vicious cycle, the more you scratch, the more the need to scratch. So, it was thus every night. Sleep was a nightmare for me. Already, I have spent my entire day with her, completing chores, keeping the house and everyone happy, you’d think that the night is a moment of peace or rest or space. I would usually be too worked up to sleep after handling such a child and feeling the pain from all that unnecessary broken skin. I have had all kinds of emotions before, from hugging her and not letting go to walloping her and even breaking my own glasses. For three years, I have not had less than ten nights of such emotionally intensifying nights. I am not keen to end up with two distressed people in my house to handle. I handled this alone, some nights, without much grace.

My friend, G, who has seen the Angel in all her worst situations (habitual scratching to allergic reactions) and saw me handling her and helping me when she could, told me, “One Angel is equal to my two A (her son).” She wasn’t being negative, she really saw, sometimes, the sheer potence when the situation is out of hand.

So, three nights ago, I was completely broken. I was almost at the end of my tenterhooks. I had already threatened to chop the Angel’s fingers off if she continued to live in such a manner. Very often, my ending words, “Chop or control?” Her reply, “Control.”

So, two hours later, I left the room, defeated. What’s the point of fighting? For three years, I have not given up trying, that sheer emotionally intensity, that interrupted sleep, the pain.

After I left the room, she gave up scratching. She came out asking for water. I gave her some and told her, “Go to sleep on your own from tonight onwards!” I saw her to her bed, asked her to cover herself with blanket and silently said, “Goodnight.”

I left her in there to sleep, and bawled out my defeat through msn to my friend, A, who has always been my pillar of strength in my motherhood struggles.

She suggested buying this Special Shirt that will help with the scratching. We tried cover-up-fingers-rompers when the Angel was a baby and it worked but not when she was older and on bandages because by then, she would take the bandages off. The Special Shirt is a good idea but I know that if I fight fire with fire and make her wear that Special Shirt, we will have a frustration issue to deal with.

After that defeated night, I crept into bed in the morning and slept. I brought the Angel out and bought the “Hug” book (now you know why I said we were both in need of a hug).

That night, we had a breakthrough. After the usual reading, she said, “Tonight, I will go to sleep myself.” She remembered what I told her sternly the night before? I abided. I tucked her in and left the room. The alternative dad was sooooo surprised to see me (he slept through the whole episode the night before) and I quickly filled him in on what happened. In between, the Angel came out of the room about four times, to pee, to pee again, to pee yet again (trying very hard but nothing of course!) and finally, for a hug. Then, she was asleep.

That was it.

For the first time in my life, it was a weight off my shoulders. I haven’t felt so relieve in a long, long while (three years is a long while). I haven’t felt that life is so beautiful in a long, long while. I haven’t felt that hope can be so near.

The day after, the nap was the same. Last night, going to sleep was a bit harder than the first night with interruptions and some scratching but manageable ones.

This morning, the Angel mooted the idea of a sewn-up tshirt all on her own! She herself told me that she can rub! The idea of chopped fingers is very sadistic but I know that she has finally understood what I was driving across to her (for years!). And she must have been thinking about how she can help herself to rub. She doesn’t need to have her fingers chopped. She just need to have her fingers protected, out of sight! Thank God for such a revelation to her!

In our excitement (at the very moment she told me her idea), we tried on various tshirts to see if they were long enough to be sewn up at the sleeves. None did and I promised her, we will go out and buy one that can be sewn and I will let her thread the needle while I sew it for her.

Tonight, she had a bit of problem sleeping on her own. In the end, after coming out several times, she told me, “Pat me for a long time then you go out.”

So, I asked her, “Hmmmm….how long is a long time?”

“Pat for a long time. Only when your work is finished, then you go out.”

In her words, the pat wasn’t long, the work was finished quickly and I was out. It’s not only so, my heart is so full of gratitude for the sudden turn of events, for the revelation of the hurt my child is causing to herself and the quality of life that has been affected thus far and how amazingly, my burden is relieved.

I really want to thank those of you who have understood and who have prayed for me. I spoke to Jean and I know she has remembered us in prayer and my friend, A. And for those of you who know of my recurring problems, savour this moment with me. It is a tremendous burden, relieved, and the task of fighting that habitual scratching is now within the realms of possibility. My dreaded nights are gone and my shoulders are no longer tense.

Sleep is sweet and life is made more beautiful.

Categories: The Angel
15 Comments »

One of the reasons for keeping this blog is to talk about eczema, but I have put it off for a long time. Having to explain how I’ve come to help the Angel cope with eczema brings a lot of horror to me.

For many of you who have met the Angel in Singapore, you will understand the true meaning of her acute eczema. Frankly, I do not wish to re-live the horror, both for her and me, of the suffering she had when we were in Singapore. No one can really understood the trauma I went through. I faced a lot of stares, questions, disapprovals, advices from people who did not understand and who made me feel like I was the worst mom in the world. I not only had to cope with a very difficult and distressed child, I had to cope with the mental and emotional strain. In the end, I holed up myself and the Angel in the house until it was time for us to leave for UK. Either we both didn’t handle it well or it was the weather that added to the already mutilated skin. All I can say is that, for the one month we spent in Singapore last year, the first three days were heavenly before the onset of acute eczema resulted in uncontrolled scratching, broken skin, from the face to neck to hands to legs, pretty often soaking in blood.

Having gone through all that, I now learn that eczema can be controlled in many ways. One way is probably medication, or steriod, either in the form of cream or orally. Both of which we have avoided.

When the Angel was about a month old, she developed a bad rash all over the face due to being too bundled up in the sultry Singapore weather. In the UK, she developed a red rash on the neck which wouldn’t go away, and then it spread to her face and eventually, other common places, like hands, legs and neck. That happened when she was about four-month old.

Let’s keep the horror story short. In a nutshell, the eczema started from there, and by the time the Angel was to be weaned at 7-month old, she was found to be suffering from multiple-food allergies. Again, it was another uphill for me, to learn how to cope with all that food alleries and still feed her well. My greatest support and help came from a health visitor, L, who totally understood the problems I was facing, came faithfully to visit us and referred us directly to the RVI and specialist clinics (immunologist, dermatologist, dietician). She really saved me from a multitude of heartache, headache and gave me confidence to go on, and grace to handle very hopeless and helpless situations.

I started with steriod cream, gave up when the eczema didn’t go away and was given even stronger steroid cream. When I managed to calm the skin without the use of steroid (although the doctor thought I did as I was prescribed yet another stronger steroid cream), I knew that steroid was not the answer.

Today, I have found some remedies that work wonderfully well on the skin. The true problem I have to cope with, though, is a psychological problem of an Angel who turns into an uncontrolled monster when it comes to scratching - she turns to scratching when she is tired or bored. We have come a loooooong way from coping with the scratching. It used to be much worse, such as during meal times. I had to threaten to throw away the food before it stopped over night. I am still working on the habitual scratching (Recently, I think she needs to have her fingers chopped off!!!! I admit, there are days when I think, “Why me?!”)

I strongly recommend these almost ‘natural’ remedies that seriously work.

1) Dream Wash and Dream Cream from Lush - Children with eczema suffer from such dryness of skin that when washing, the layer of oil is gone, too. Using washing lotion that is oil based works miracles for the skin, I used to use epaderm or balenum or oilatum. They do keep the skin moist but they do not cope with the itch.

I now swear by Dream Wash and Dream Cream (they don’t call it DREAM Wash and DREAM Cream without a reason =)) from Lush. Tried and tested in the hot and humid weather in Shanghai last year, the Angel did not suffer like she did in Singapore because of Dream Wash and Dream Cream. When we returned 48 hours later than we were supposed to, due to flight delay, I ran out of Dream Wash and the horror began!

Dream Wash smells really good and has the prickly heat (similar to the snake powder brand) ingredients. It somehow calms the skin a lot and takes away the itch.

After using Dream Wash, I will apply Dream Cream as a base. Because Dream Cream is not a grossly oily cream, I then apply epaderm which is so super oily to keep the Angel’s skin moist. Dream Cream, again, works as a barrier to prevent the itch but it is absorbed so quickly, doesn’t help entirely with the moisture. Without using Dream Cream, the itch returns.

Incidentally, I was advised to use Dream Cream and Dream Wash by a kind lady in Ireland last June. It was the best holiday I have had - Ireland remains my favourite place (the Wicklow mountain being the place of immensely dense isolation) and I received the best advice ever to help the Angel cope with her itch.

2) Carrot juice! This is the MIRACLE an acquaintance here advised me to try. It has worked WONDERS! The Angel drank carrot juice everyday for about a month and I have not seen her skin so beautiful for a long time (except when we were in Norway which got me thinking that eczema could be due to environmental issues).

I, the blur alternative mom, burnt the juicer and did not manage to make her any carrot juice for a month! Because we are not keen to accumulate more things before we pack our lives in boxes again, I thought we’d wait. However, the skin cannot wait. I bought a juicer last week and I’m bent on getting her skin back to being supple and beautiful. To date, her skin is beautiful but it is the habitual scratching that is the barrier to clear skin.

Even the Angel knows about the goodness of the carrot juice. On days that she has been scratching, she will tell me, “Drink carrot juice! I will get better!”

Another friend did recommend boiling carrots and apples and drinking it. I tried it before and it helped, too. But the effect from freshly blended carrot juice is almost immediate(results can be seen within two days).

3) A daily dose of fish oil helps to keep the skin from breaking up. In the initial stage of eczema, a homeopath happened to see Angel’s skin and adviced me to give fish oil. When I started fish oil, I haven’t used Dream Wash and Dream Cream yet. By not giving fish oil for a month, I realised that the scaly, flaky skin returned. I started with Equazen and have never changed it since then.

There you are, just those wonderful remedies and eczema is kept at bay. The combination of the above three combats different but important issues - itchiness (Dream Wash and Dream Cream), suppleness (carrot juice), elimination of scaly, flaky skin (fish oil).

I strongly discourage the use of steroids (sensibly) and would encourage parents to read, read and read labels and question doctors and discuss with doctors when prescribed such creams or even medication. It is very important to be an informed parent when it comes to medication. My encounter with a pediatrician in Singapore (almost two hours waiting time and less than five minutes of brisk consultation) left me wondering if doctors prescribe just ‘quick-fixes’.

By trying to be as organic as possible, I think we can save some problems later on in life from side effects or unknown effects.

I’m interested to know or disucss eczema issues with other parents or anyone who has experienced it. I’d be glad to answer any questions or hear from anyone who has tried any other remedies that work.

Categories: Eczema
27 Comments »

I would like to share this favourite book of ours - Hug by Jez Alborough.

I borrowed this book from the University of Newcastle Resource Centre about half a year ago and have been renewing it! Both the Angel and I love the book sooooo much!

Hug is the main theme. It is such a lovely book to read and you will end up with lots of cuddles, too! It is suitable for all ages! From two, to six to thirty-one!

In the author’s (Jez Alborough) own words,

“The fun comes in deciding what you tell in words and what is best said in pictures. Hug is a very simple story but it has this universal theme. It became clear to me early on that the story was best told by the pictures - in the end I cut the text down to only three words.”

Recently, we have been going to Seven Stories - a most inspiring place for children’s books by British writers. I must give thanks to one of the most amazing person I have met here, G, who has shown us a lot of kindness, and who has given us the gift of an annual pass to Seven Stories. In the gallery, Hug is one of the current exhibits and you see the book comes alive, with the main characters, BoBo and his Mummy and “HUG” cushions!

We have been drooling over buying the book from the Seven Stories Bookshop but today, we found it at only £2 from a clearance bookshop at Metro Centre (Europe’s leargest shopping centre just not too far from we live)!

How appropriate at a time when we both need it.

I feel more triumphant than defeated now when I look at the book! Can’t help smiling!

If you haven’t read it, find it in the library or bookshop (just found out it cost only USD$0.07 from Amazon or £0.01 from Amazon UK!!!) Trust me, you won’t stop simling, too.

Categories: Books
3 Comments »

I like the way children’s minds connect, I call them the ‘dot-to-dot’ mind.

Here are some incidents when the Angel showed me her ‘dot-to-dot’ mind and I laughed myself silly (still laughing)!

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We drove past a mosque and the Angel told me, “Look! There is a moon up there!” So, I explained, “It is a mosque, a place of worship, just like we go to church, the Muslims go there to pray.”

Then she went, “Do they also say Dear God?”

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In a Chinese cafeteria, the Angel was seated by a fishtank with some goldfish. The goldfish were not moving and I told her, “Shhh! They are sleeping. They sleep with their eyes open because they do not have eyelids.”

She went, “Just like my soft toys!”

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The alternative dad was singing, “Who let the dog out?”

The Angel went excitedly, “Put on the leash!”

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I’m always excited in my speech or sometimes negative, ” I can’t wait to go / eat / sleep!” or “I can’t stand it!”

Whenever the Angel hears such phrases, she will correct me, ” I can wait to go / eat / sleep!” “I can stand it!”

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One day, I was trying to act out ferocious hunting animals, like tigers and lions. And I was going, “I’m a tiger! Roaaaar!!! Roaaaar!”

The Angel went, ” I’m a tiger! But I’m a friendly one!” (Smiled sheepishly!)

(End of acting ferocious. All such animals are now friendly!)

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Categories: Linguistic Fun
5 Comments »

I’m reading the book, “365 Ways to Change the World“, and one of the ideas mooted is to make money talks!

I really like it! So, now, even my money has a voice!

Categories: Environment
No Comments »

Two mornings ago, both the alternative parents were kneeling beside the Angel’s table, sorting out the position of the legs.

Just as the alternative dad was about to stand up after adjusting the Angel’s table, he felt dizzy and tried to stand up while using the wall for support. At that moment, I was helping the Angel transfer her hot milk into a smaller cup.

Suddenly, the alternative dad fell against the wall and subsequently, scrapped his face and glasses against the wall as he fell with a loud thump!

The alternative dad had had a blackout!

I rushed over and helped him up, although by then, he was conscious but totally bewildered to find himself on the floor, with a painful head.

At the same time, the Angel turned to look, in a state of shock and confusion. She remained stoically rooted in her seat and ‘carried on eating’ her bread.

While holding the alternative dad, I kept asking if the Angel was all right. She turned back once in a while, the look on her face was one of stupefaction.

As I explained to the alternative dad what had happened while assessing the impact of his fall (bruised head, scrapped knee - all caused by abrasion and impact, and a little twist on his glasses), my worry for the Angel grew, too.

She looked totally out of the ordinary. Under normal circumstances, she is a loving and concerned girl and should we bump ourselves for instance, she would come and give a big hug or kiss our bruised spot. That morning, she had a look which I could not decipher.

After the alternative dad was inspected not to be suffering from any serious bruises, the Angel suddenly stood up and gave the box, which was actually a ‘bed’ for her soft toys (the flattened, red M&S box), a few angry kicks as she cried louldy in grief. Her cries were that of anguish and immense sadness.

That afternoon, while chatting in bed before her naptime, I asked her what she was feeling when the alternative dad fainted. She did not answer my question but asked if her dad was all right already. Then, she told me (in a quiet manner) that she needed to eat her bread then. I did not want to pursue what she did not want to reveal but left it at that.

That night, both the alternative dad and I were discussing about her reactions. We knew that she was scared when the fall occurred but most importantly, I was enlightened that she was totally upset because she thought that her dad’s fall was caused by her box, hence the angry kicks.

Yesterday, while we were talking about the alternative dad, she again asked if the alternative dad was all right. Then, she told me that she was shocked and felt sad when the incident happened. That explained her cries and kicks.

I guess it must have been traumatising for the Angel to witness and, maybe at some point, felt that it was her toy which had caused the fall (? - although it wasn’t at all). I understand now how children can feel ‘guilty’ for something that happen to adults which they might even perceive to be their ‘fault’.

Categories: Where We Live
18 Comments »