A comment left by Gladys on my post on “Let’s Go the the Learn Ground” has raised a few salient points which I feel is worth discussing in a new post. Thanks, Gladys and sorry I have taken so long to post this! I can finally breathe (and think) now that the rain has washed my hayfever away!

1) Learning through rewards

2) Value of Learning

Here’s what Gladys wrote :

“Hello AM,

I am interested to know your thoughts and that of other parents too.”

1) Learning through Rewards

Gladys has pointed out an interesting point about learning through reward. Let me share with you what I have experienced.

About five months ago, I thought I bought the most wonderful ‘toy’. It is a magnetic reward chart that allows me to write what I’d like the Angel to achieve and she will get a magnet for each achievement made and at the end of it, her rewards. Usually her rewards are treats like candies and maybe an outing. I even brought the chart on our trip to London as it was foldable and compact. When I started on it, I was all praise about the ‘toy’ I had. Less than two months after using it, I discarded the idea totally because I felt that it was backfiring on me. Why so?

A reward chart works on giving our children rewards on something they have to do. I was getting her to co-operate with some issues like using the potty to pass motion, eating like a princess, etc, until one day, my daughter told me, she was going to pass motion and she wanted a magnet and a candy. As days went by, I felt as if I was being ‘blackmailed’ into giving her candies or treats and her motivation seemed to be the magnets or the candies. She was still trying to do what was asked of her, but it was obvious where her motivation was coming from. After a few sessions of such blackmailing, I decided that it was enough and stopped using it. Instead, I refocus on getting her co-operation in other ways. As for treats like candies, we learn to enjoy having a candy occasionally (as a surprise, as a treat when we feel like it), rather than using candies as rewards. After my decision to stop using rewards, The New Parent posted one on Rewards and Punishments which is really worth reading.

Therefore, in the case of Mark, his parents use rewards as a form of learning for him - rewards to get him to fulfill his responsibility, demerit points when he errs to make him work harder towards his rewards. I’m not sure how far or how long this will go on. Rewards can only get more difficult to handle (for example, how long the reward of a magnet or candy be a lure to the Angel if I had continued to use it? I would probably have to give her more enticing rewards if I need her continnued co-operation).

When learning is learnt through rewards, what I have personally experienced is that the child will whole-heartedly co-operate when the reward is a lure but whether the learning is internalized or not, it is probably another matter altogether.

I’m not sure about Mark but the alternative dad always say that different pareting methods works on different children. I have first hand experience of a friend whose parenting style is that of rewarding her child with time to play on the computer if he abides by her demands. The child appeases the mother to do what she wants and gets his rewards but he does not exactly do what he is told wholeheartedly nor does he enjoy what is imposed on him. He looks forward only to the carrot that dangles.

2) Value of Learning

My idea about learning being ‘fun’ is more geared towards learning being meaningful. Is the learning meaingful to Mark given the points and reward system? Or is it the reward that has more meaning to him? I see it as the latter. And it is probably right to say that the lesson is “undervalued’, or in my words, not internalized.

While I like to make learning ‘fun’, I drive towards making learning meaningful, that is, to contextualise the learning. I have observed how eager parents are to make scholars out of their children through academic achievements but the learning they impose on their children to achieve the academic achievement is fixated to paper and pen and books. Why can’t we make learning meaningful everyday? If we make it meaningful, it becomes ‘fun’ because it is contextualised and meaningful.

When my daughter was ready and very eager to learn words, I thought of some meaningful ways to teach her to use phonics meaningfully. Since she has surprised me by having learnt all the sounds of the letters from toys and Starfall, I thought it is time to combine what she knows to help her use the phonics meaningfully. I put up a word wall for her and started with just a few words and pictures to illustrate the correct sounds. After a while, she either makes up sound herself from words she knows or discover words that we speak that begin with the appropriate sounds and will sound them out purposefully. I personally feel that in such a context, the learning has been internalized. We do not have to learn phonics confined to the toys, books or our word wall. Whenever we are in or out, on a journey or reading a book, we can discuss the word-sound relationships. This is the kind of learning I think we should teach our children - internalized and it is ‘fun’ because it is contextualised. I first learn it and then I see it everywhere I am where I can use it. It is not confined to the very books / toys where I have learnt it from.

Therefore, my thought on the value of learning is that, once it is meaningful and contextualised, it has its own ‘fun’ elements (because the children know why they are learning it - to use it in their daily lives) and most of all, when internalized, they last a lifetime. The children also learn because they want to learn more about it, learn deeper into it. Of course, I believe that later on, skills such as perseverance and determination need to be introduced and taught to escalate the learning.

I agree with you, Gladys, that the right emotions should be associated with learning. To me, it has been tried and tested in classes of children, if learning is contextualised and made meaingful, every child endeavors to do it, even if he has a learning difficulty, but at least the right emotions have been pulled. The simple fact that they are eager to go to class brings forth an open mind to learning. Where learning is internalised, I believe the value is ingrained.

I, too, would like to hear what others parents think of what Gladys has mentioned.

Categories: Parenting Tips
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Both the Angel and I fell ill after our spring weekends. For the past two weeks, we have been sleeping lots. We have both been having runny nose and suffering from fatigue. The Angel has a perpetually rash round her eyes.

First, we thought we were suffering from flu. The symptons were similar, runny nose, body ache, watery eyes, headache but we did not have any fever at all. After the first week, I thought it had gone away. But instead of ‘recovering’, I find myself in need of sleep all the time while the symptons persist.

A friend saw both the Angel and me and immediately, she diagnosed us as having hayfever - an allergy to pollen! I have heard about it since moving to UK but having not had it before, and didn’t know that it’d hit me in this way! Doctors have warned before that chances of the Angel suffering from hayfever is high due to her to eczema and multiple-food allergies.

The alternative dad said that I’ve now assimilated into the Brits’ way of life as hayfever usually affect people who are not used to hot weather because where I come from, I embrace the heat! No! No! I don’t need this!

So here I am, suffering from intense fatigue, blocked ENT, sore eyes and stuck indoors! Another problem is, my brain is pretty stuck, too! I pray for the rain to come soon and ease it all away, hopefully.

Categories: Where We Live
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Have you ever met a child who refuses an invitation to the playground?

I have not and I have often witnessed how children are so magnetized by a playground (mine included) or who refuse to leave one (mine understands “last five minutes” and “when it’s time to go, we go”).

On the other hand, I have encountered children who dread going to schools or other places they are required to learn something.

What is it in a playground? A place where children expand their energy? A place where they find thrills, excitement, challenges? A place where they find other peers?

What is the fundamental difference between, say a school or place where a child learns and a playground where a child plays?

The two distinctive words are, ‘play‘ and ‘learn‘.

In definition :

Play : Engage in activity for enjoyment or recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.

Learn : Gain or acquire knowledge or skill in (something) by study, experience or being taught; commit to memory; become aware of something by information or observation.

Recently, both the Angel and I read a story about a cat and a dog who went to the playground but did not learn to share or play together until they realised that they needed each other to play on the see-saw. I then turned the story around and had a discussion about how the cat and dog eventually learned to play together.

In the end, we both changed the word ‘playground’ to ‘learn ground‘!

I came up with this idea partly by merging The New Parent’s question to his child, “Why are you a child?” and the answer is, “To learn.” (Somewhere in a comment.)

Isn’t it true indeed that children learn whatever life / people / situation has to teach from young? Doesn’t even have to be purposeful. We humans are geared to learn.

To contextualise it and make it meaningful, I brought the concept of learning to one of the places that children enjoy most - the ‘playground’.

We so often use the word ‘play’ to a child but how meaningful is the word? While I believe that playing is an enjoyment, personally, I find learning to be more of an enjoyment than playing. Somehow, ‘play’ doesn’t have as much a meaning as ‘learn’ in my life.

If we can bring this concept to our children, that going to the playground learn ground is learning how to use the slide, learning how to walk up the steps carefully, learning to sit on the swing safely, learning how to make friends, learning how to take turns, learning to play…. etc. Isn’t it true that all children begin by learning how to play on the various ‘equipments’? They don’t first play, they first learn how to.

And if we use learn ground instead of ‘playground’ and our children associate learning with an enjoyment (actually, learning IS an enjoyment but I don’t know how or where it got lost), then I think it is so much easier later on when we introduce learning other skills, be it in school or other places.

School is an important learn ground for children and if children already have positive feelings towards learning, perhaps less children will have the dread of going to schools and schools will have more positive and children eager to embrace learning. Of course, schools have their parts to maintain the learning spirit.

As for us, we now call the ‘playground’ learn ground and today, we changed ‘play group’ to learn group, too!

What do you think about introducing the word learn ground instead of playground to our children? And learn groups instead of play groups?

Categories: Parenting Tips
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I’ve been tagged by Shirley (Binky) on the meaning of “Angel”. Many thanks for this tag, it is a thoughtful tag.

So, how did the “Angel” get her name?

First, we did not want to know the gender of our baby and we had a lot of fun toying with names. The alternative dad’s idea was a name that began with either an “A” or a “Z”! Try guessing why?!

Here were some names that we thought of :

Aristotle (Greek philosopher and begins with ‘A’),
Thoreau (after one of my favourite writer and philosopher),
Maximus (I like the sound of it but we read in UK that ‘Max’ is the number one name for dogs! Opps!),
Zann (alternative dad’s idea).

All boys’ names because I felt that I was going to have a boy! Anyway, I did want to have a boy (for reasons that you would laugh yourself silly, too!) but I’m equally elated to have a girl.

BUT our gynae had a slip of tongue when one day, she went, “Did I tell you that your baby is a girl!”

And we went, “NO!!!! You were not supposed to tell us! We were supposed to find out on that day!”

Then she went, “Ohhh, maybe I’m wrong. You didn’t remind me! It is easier for boys to be mistaken as girls. You will find out on that day….” and she changed topic thereafter.

So since the cat had been let out of the bag, we had to be prepare for a girl!

I suggested “Angel” as it was my song (Angel by Sarah Mclaren) at that moment of my life and it well, begins with an “A” (alternative’s dad requirement). Most importantly, I really want a child with compassion and I feel that the name speaks volume. It was easily agreed between us that we would have an “Angel”!

The Chinese name, again, was easily decided on. Then, we had a Chinese gymnastic teacher putting up with us and she suggested the word ”磊“(lei3)，(the ‘three rock character appeals to me) and the significant of it being steadfast and grounded. Since we are having a girl, we decided on keeping to the three characters and came up with “蕊“(rui) whereby the three characters of “心” matches the idea of a child with compassion. It refers to the stamen of a flower and a girl’s name with an affliation to a flower makes it appropriate.

However, I must say now that both “Angel” and “蕊“ has “male” connotations; Angels are males and stamens are the male reproductive parts of the flowers but the bottomline is, while masculine in nature, they are feminine in quality - that’s just what I’d like my daughter to be - not just another typical woman but one who has the quality of both.

The Chinese has a lot of ‘auspicious’ names, characters, and counting the number of strokes, etc. We chose not to be caught in that labyrinth because choosing that belief will give ground to more other beliefs (myth) later in life. I don’t want my child’s life to be grounded in beliefs of such. It being meaningful to us is more important than trying to keep up with myths and beliefs that might haunt a person for life.

And now, I need to tag five other people. Unfortunately, I do not know enough ‘friends’ in cyberspace, so I shall have to make do with two.

1) Tanya and Paris

2) Jean and Grace

Instructions :

**Start Copy**

Proposition: What is the meaning of your kid’s name?
Requirements: write about what or how or why you giving the name to your kids.
Quantity: FIVE PEOPLE.

Tag Mode: 1st - You leave their blog and post link and add to the list below.2nd - Let the blogger you want to tag know they been tagged by comment in their blog or etc.

1) Msaufong - Meaning Of SQ & Kiki’s name
2) Miche - My ACB
3) Sweetpea - My Little Fire
4) LiL’deviL - Mini Hawke
5) Fatty Poh - What’s in a name?
6) Binky - The meaning of Ian

Categories: Tag
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After a walk, the Angel took off her shoes and went, “What’s that? It’s red.”

“What’s that? Looks like stain from your red shoes. Your shoes are wet, just remove your socks,” said the alternative dad.

“No. What’s that? It’s red. What’s that?” again the Angel enquired.

Upon her insistence, the alternative dad checked her socks and realised that it was BLOOD!

BLOOD! Where did the blood come from?

Toes! The blood had come from the toes!

“What happened?!” we both exclaimed!

On inspection, we realised that the Angel’s shoes had grown too small for her and had brushed against her toes when we went walking, so both her big toes were bleeding. Ouch! There was not only blood, but a lot of blood given that they were from the big toes!

How could this have happened?

The morning that it happened, I had just checked the Angel’s toes on the shoes because we seemed to have been wearing that shoes for a while. It felt fine. The week before, the alternative dad checked her wellies which he thought was suitable, too.

I felt on the verge of tears and really sorry and apologised profusely to the Angel. She, in turned, apologised profusely, too, and we had to tell her that it wasn’t her fault but ours for being negligent.

We came home, took a picture of all the shoes she had since the second Christmas (2005). Then, we brought her to Clarks to have her feet measured and realised that she could only correctly fit into just a pair (and we just bought her a pair of Clarks sandals a week ago which no longer fit)! Actually that pair was meant for Baby A because they looked like clown shoes! The Angel kept insisting that those were for her friend! Unfortunately, she had no more shoes and those are hers for now. She said that we would buy a similar pair for A the next time we go to the shop.

I still cannot believe that we have allowed this oversight to happen. A sudden growth spurt and our inattention to her feet have resulted in such a gross mistake.

Parents who are reading this, do remember to check those shoes! Learn from our mistakes!

Categories: Parenting Blunder
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Spring began on 20 March with a blizzard and wintry conditions. Recently, the weather has begun to turn hot (still windy) and now, finally, the rain is coming (not enough). I am getting a bit worried about the lack of rain this spring.

Spring weekends mean we get busy, attend fairs and enjoy caravaning. We have an 80s caravan (Betsy - her original name), somewhat archaic but in excellent condition. We bought it at almost a steal from the lady who parted with it because she loved the Angel. If I have my way (and time and resources and expertise), I’d like to turn it into something retro or flower-power of sort. Funky pink or sunny yellow with lots of flowers. Brighten up the boring, boring, boring look that almost all caravans look.

Caravaning can be fun when the weather is tolerable because it can get very cold at night. Well, as Betsy is somewhat 80s, she has all that 80s feature, heating isn’t fantastic and size is compromised. I have been into caravans which I feel is a complete luxury compared to our humble one. Nonetheless, I’m still glad we have a mobile home that we can move around in. We once toured Scotland for a month in Betsy and apart for some wet weather, we were blessed with a lot of fun!

Caravaning can be thoroughly enjoyable if we have friends who do the same. Unfortunately, we do not know anyone who does it and from our observation, we are about the youngest caravaning family. Most are retirees who park their theirs at caravan parks dotted all over UK or even those who tow theirs are of a considerable age. I thought it should be a ‘young people’s’ kind of fun because much strength is required to push the caravan, which the alternative dad has loads of (phew!) or like he said, skill (which we have yet to acquire - tricky to reverse with a caravan in tow).

We cook, eat and sleep in Betsy. The space is pretty small, easily walked from ‘bedroom’ to kitchen to dining room in less than ten steps! A ‘problem’ with Betsy is she doesn’t come with a toilet (actually it does but it is now a storeroom) and it has a portal chemical toilet bowl that we do not use (both of us do not want to do the dirty job!). Now, the requirement of a toilet is very important now because the Angel is completely toilet-trained and at night, she wakes up to pee. For the past two weekends while we were in the caravans, I put her back in her diapers at night because we could not work out the toilet going part (too cold, too far, too troublesome)! That God she is flexible with the idea and continues to keep up with her dry nights when back home.

For the past two weekends, we were at the British Raptor Show and the Pickering Game and Country Fair. The best thing about having a caravan and attending show is we get to stay onsite. We have the whole outdoor as our ‘playground‘ ‘learnground’. The Angel gets to be exposed to lots - the latest two fairs were on falconry - she saw different kinds of owls, is not a fan of ferrets and saw live poultry for sale. There were also demonstration of traditional crafts such as weaving and wood craving. And of course, not forgetting the horses - they are her favourites and lots of dogs.

I know I will miss part of this when it is all gone. Anyway, for now, being in the cold has taken its toll on both the Angel and me. She came back with a cold and developed into full blown flu while I might have caught the virus from her. We have been sleeping so much for the past few days but we are definitely on the road to recovery! I must be since I’m back blogging!

Categories: Where We Live
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People around us are often intrigue with the Angel’s signing and I have often been asked about it and why and how I started using it with the Angel.

How I started :

I first read about baby signing as a form of communication in a parenting book (can’t remember which one now but it isn’t a very newly published book). It depicts a few pictures of how we can start signing. I introduced this concept to a friend who later came back to tell me about Signing Time. Thanks, C.

I started signing briefly to the Angel when she was about nine month-old, and then for fun when she turned one. Not having ready access to any signing materials, I made up my own signs with the Angel. We signed words that we used/talked about, such as animal words like, ‘rabbit’, everyday words like ‘thank you’, ‘please’. Gradually, the Angel started making up signs herself! That really amazed me and I fell in love with the wondrous language of signing.

Here’s why I love it :

1) From personal experience, signing enhances speech. Signing and speaking at the same time help the mother to talk more. I do not think that signing delays speech. People who met the Angel when she was about 16 months felt that her speech was slow. Where we are, her speech input then was mainly mine and her papa’s. I probably did not speak to her like an ultimate talking machine. Anyway, she is the talking machine now.

2) When you first start, sign words that you often use. When an adult signs and speaks, the child makes use of her auditory and visual senses. It can help a child to listen and look, very powerful tools later on when the child can speak.

3) Signing helps with creativity. We create signs ourselves from young (still creating) because we want to sign words which we use. We brainstorm and talk about how we can create signs and have had many fun moments. Nowadays, the Angel makes up more signs for me.

4) Signing can be used even after the child can speak. The Angel is going to be three in July and we have only received the Signing Time DVDs in February. We are still signing now and enjoying it even more.

5) Signing helps with spelling. The Signing Time DVD teaches the alphabet and we use it to spell and sign words as the Angel is too young to write words. I love the use of visual and audio cues for spelling. I can forsee how this can help her later on in her phonics and spelling, making it fun and interactive.

6) You can use signs anytime, anywhere. On our trips, we played games, such as guessing each other’s signs (this game is even more fun to play with people who do not know any signs!), spelt words by signing and made up more signs! No need to lug any materials!

7) Signing is a language on its own and facilitate communication. When the Angel is in distressed, too upset to speak, with a mouthful of food, or cannot be understood by others (sometimes speech inaccuracy), she signs to communicate what she needs. It gives another avenue for communication. Can work as a secret code (among ourselves) and communication with the hearing impaired, too!

Signing Time is a wonderful and engaging way to teach your child signing. I personally enjoy Signing Time because it uses reinforcement to teach signs, by using children. It is thematic and relate to children’s experiences and everyday life (age appropriate). In fact, because the children (Alex and Leah) ‘grow with the signs’, your child will grow with them, too. That makes it very real. Not only so, Signing Time teaches manners and sharing, life skills, very often through songs. I admit, I love Signing Time and I’m all praise for it.

Fret not if you don’t have Signing Time (it is quite dear); make up your own signs or share with others who have. I’m willing to pass mine round (currently sharing with a boy whom I’m teaching).

I can’t think of any demerits to signing except expecting your child to sign as if it is another task that must be done or to show off to someone. Leave it if your child doesn’t feel up to it. It really should be an additional language that is fun.

Is there anyone out there using baby signs, too?

Categories: Parenting Tips
4 Comments »

So, I’ve moved out of my old blog (will migrate all my posts when time permits)! Finally, I have found my parenting identity and it has taken me almost three full years!

I became a mom when I was too drained in life, when everything was hapening too much at once (least I sound like a broken record, you can read more about it here). Anyway, I never seem to be prepared for most things in life. Must be something to do with this hopelessly disorganised trait that I’m still working on. But then again, I love spontaneity, live for that moment, you know, that carpe diem spirit.

So, the history of it was, we packed up our lives in boxes, ditched almost all of our possessions, brought along a two-month old baby and came to live in a completely new country where thank God, language is not a barrier!

I learnt to live again, this time, as a mother. To start with, I had no friends, no other kin except the alternative dad and the Angel, not a lot of possessions, not a lot of money, and quite a lot of time alone with a baby.

I had so many questions about being a mother and dealing with an unique child with atopic eczema and multiple food allergies. I needed desparately to speak to other mothers and parents, sharing some bits and pieces of information will be great. Not comparing our children, but sharing and learning from one another. It was hard work, I found almost none. Perhaps I had ‘too much time’ while others had none.

The only thing that kept me sane a lot of time was of course, the internet. My ibook (which I shall now name Igloo) is my perfect companion without which, I might have gone pretty mad. It keeps up with my socialisation and helps with my parenting knowledge. Often, MSN and Skype become lifelines - friends and family out there who didn’t give up! Thanks for walking the talk - you know who you are!

Anyway, things got better. I eked out my life, found enough to get myself into uni (got my sanity back!), made friends and finally, I’m becoming more ‘me’.

As I’m coming out of this confusing phrase about parenting, as I become more enlightened everyday about parenting, learning from mistakes or making discoveries, I actively look to sharing with and learning from other parents.

I tried forums. Well, didn’t really work.

Where does one go to share all that wealth of parenting skills one has acquired? Where does one go to talk about the discoveries made about children? Or to share about all those products we have used? Or share all that parenting has to teach? Or learn where someone has taken time to share?

I started blogging (early this year) and went on a relentless search (with some success!) for some parenting blogs that would be sharing honest discourse, give rise to ideas and discussions, provoke thinking, share ideas, a place where the community of parenting comes alive.

Three years on, I’d like to practise the spirit of virtual ‘community of practice‘ (CoP - a term defined for me by the alternative dad) in parenting and in between, share bits and pieces of the idiosyncrasies of life.

Welcome to my blog where life is a learning journey and where I strive to be an alternative mom in the ‘Making of an Angel’.

My relentless search has yielded another two awesome parenting blogs that belong to the parenting CoP.

The New Parent who presents many interesting insights about ‘Raising Excellcent Kids in an Insane World’. I love all the pain The New Parent takes to discuss through ideas. Good job!

And recently, I found Pilgrim Parent and one can read all those discoveries found and shared and by Pilgrim Parent. Another good job!

Categories: Community of Practice in Parenting
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